Black

I try to change
To escape my past
Shave my hair
Dye it dark
But I know that the memories are always there.

Starve my body
Get rid of the curves
Get rid of the tan skin
It's all starting to destroy my nerves.

I was shallow and naive
So quick to judge
Now I keep to myself
Because I know that everyone one of us can hold a grudge.

I dress in dark clothes
To drive people away
A sign that warns people
That I'm just a sorry messed up display.

The scars on my skin
Some thick and some thin
Are marks of my past
From my torture within.

I let my skin grow paler everyday
Don't touch the sunlight
Don't let it give you false hope
That everything will be okay.

I shut myself in
Push everyone away
The people that get too close
I have to hurt to keep them safe.

"They don't understand"
I tell myself each day
"They lie to you Darling,
They tell you they'll help keep your demons at bay"

Don't trust anyone
Keep your guard up at all times
Because once you fall in love with anything
It's taken away from you sooner or later
When the bell starts to chime.

My daily mantra
Consists of 2 lines:
"Do not love anything."
"Do not trust anyone."
A steady march through my head.

Too many heart breaks
All of them a waste of time
They cut through my heart
Every time it happens it feels like a crime.

The story of me
It's a disgusting reality
Once I've read this poem
And all of it's entirety.