Earthshed: In Memory of Humanity

^.^ Okay, sweet boy....your Ms. Editor is here!! I didn't really notice too many errors, but I DID notice that you change your tense back and forth a few times. Like, it starts off as "John jumped over the hurdle," then goes to, "John jumps over the hurdle." Know what I mean?? :P I don't know if I'm saying it right. Just, like...well you know...the tense! Past-tense vs. ...Present-tense? Present? Is that right? RRRR wish I knew how to say what I'm saying. But you're a smart boy--put those brain cells to work and I'm sure you can figure it out!!! :P

Overall I liked it--it keeps you entertained and captivated. Great job at creating the picture in my wee little pea brain! I don't think you had too much detail--I think you had just enough.

If you want, I can email you all the little grammar spelling or wording errors & what-nots.

The only thing I can say is that I really don't know where the book is going....like, I don't know what it's about. No conflict has been introduced. Right now all I have is a normal guy (well, normal for that day & age) that's waking up normally and going to his job...as he normally would. But you're still so early into the story that you can throw it in right around here where you left off, as I'm sure you probably were. Just wanted to point that out!! ^.^

One thing I'd like to request is maybe like...a visual of him. Maybe him looking at himself in the mirror and like describe him somehow or something. ^.^ I can't help it....I AM a romance novelist, ya know!!! Can't leave a girl hanging when we have some uber sexie hunk of a cop at our disposal!!! You have a lot to work with, there....women LOVE a guy in uniform. (Throw one on and I may just show you how much!!!! Lolz KIDDING!!) :P I'd suggest continuing the piece, but it's up to you if you like it. I've started and tossed like 3 stories since we've started talking, because I just lose interest or get another idea that I like better. IRRESPONSIBLE, I know.... -.-

^.^ But fun! XOX

Posted 14 Years Ago

Excellent, that's exactly what I needed to hear confirmed. The things you saw are exactly the same as the things I saw - I just proofread it and I think it flows pretty well after actually reading it. I refrained from the description because honestly I don't know yet - but I agree it is a vital thing to have and I promise he'll be a sexy hunk of man. ;)

The tense thing is what I've been struggling the most with throughout my writing, whatever it may be. I've been looking at some books and researching online but haven't really found anything specifically helpful to date. I went back over it and changed everything to past tense for this chapter and I'll try to do some more research to compare and contrast.

Also - one hell of a conflict will happen by the time the actual writing of the story is done - so don't worry, I'll finish that up and it should make a lot of sense then.

Thanks for the help Bunneh.

Posted 14 Years Ago

^.^ Okay, sweet boy....your Ms. Editor is here!! I didn't really notice too many errors, but I DID notice that you change your tense back and forth a few times. Like, it starts off as "John jumped over the hurdle," then goes to, "John jumps over the hurdle." Know what I mean?? :P I don't know if I'm saying it right. Just, like...well you know...the tense! Past-tense vs. ...Present-tense? Present? Is that right? RRRR wish I knew how to say what I'm saying. But you're a smart boy--put those brain cells to work and I'm sure you can figure it out!!! :P

Overall I liked it--it keeps you entertained and captivated. Great job at creating the picture in my wee little pea brain! I don't think you had too much detail--I think you had just enough.

If you want, I can email you all the little grammar spelling or wording errors & what-nots.

The only thing I can say is that I really don't know where the book is going....like, I don't know what it's about. No conflict has been introduced. Right now all I have is a normal guy (well, normal for that day & age) that's waking up normally and going to his job...as he normally would. But you're still so early into the story that you can throw it in right around here where you left off, as I'm sure you probably were. Just wanted to point that out!! ^.^

One thing I'd like to request is maybe like...a visual of him. Maybe him looking at himself in the mirror and like describe him somehow or something. ^.^ I can't help it....I AM a romance novelist, ya know!!! Can't leave a girl hanging when we have some uber sexie hunk of a cop at our disposal!!! You have a lot to work with, there....women LOVE a guy in uniform. (Throw one on and I may just show you how much!!!! Lolz KIDDING!!) :P I'd suggest continuing the piece, but it's up to you if you like it. I've started and tossed like 3 stories since we've started talking, because I just lose interest or get another idea that I like better. IRRESPONSIBLE, I know.... -.-

^.^ But fun! XOX

Posted 14 Years Ago