Deadline

A little peek inside my good ol' head

Clock's ticking

I never seem to have enough time on my hands lately. Amusing, really, I could swear I never waste an instant.

Thoughts sail right through the window,

As I sit idly on my prime,

Contemplating the soft rays of the morrow,

And the wind blowing away the ashes of Time.

Oh! There goes another second, another breath I will never get back. Or that I will never take for the matter.

Don't hold your breath

Disappointments and shortcomings seem to have become somewhat of a recurring theme lately. Concerning somewhat, but delving on the matter hardly ever did me any good.

Dreams burn so easily,

Filling the air lazily

Leaving me to put out dull fires

And pick up the scorched embers.

Regardless, forward is the only viable direction I have. Or perhaps I do not even have that one. Go figure...

Words are falling

Strangely enough, I cannot seem to find my words lately. Frustrating, really.

Verses fly by,

Ideas scatter.

But, regardless, ink leaks as I try

And ground words onto concrete paper.

Or perhaps I simply do not want to write. No matter...

What was I thinking of again?

I cannot remember for the life of me. It probably was not all that important...

Thoughts coalesce into monoliths,

Great, ephemeral structure of delusions and myths.

And as mausoleums come tumbling down,

Comes rising a new dawn.

Attention truly is a fickle thing, and something I lack greatly. The funny thing with attention is, you only really -

Focus

Ah yes, focus. I need to focus. There is something important coming. Now, if I could only figure out what...

Shades of scarlet and grey whirl,
Notes float up in the darkness,
As the world comes crashing as it unfurls
Into a solid block of consciousness.

Nope. I cannot seem to focus. A shame really, I do some really good thinking when I manage to focus.

Stop thinking of poetry verses.

Yes, probably not the best time nor place indeed. But what is life without a bit of fun? And I still cannot remember what is so important anyways.

Words flow right through me,

Right from my respiratory system into my bloodstream,

Saturating thoughts and dreams,

To finally pop open in short bursts of glee.

Too bad nobody can tell me what I am forgetting, that would sure be handy.

You could use some more company.

Use some more company? I am not lonely. I appreciate my personal space, thank you very much, we both know how prolonged social exposure irritates us.

People come and go,

Like leaves blown into the flow,

Following the current's reign

And right down the drain.

...Since when did the people around me become so far and few?

You did that, remember?

I might have burnt a few too many bridges. And I might have made too little effort to feign interest in others... And... I might be somewhat hard to put up with.

It is all delusions and lies,

It is all weakness and tremor.

Even the long summer afternoons of games

And the bubbly bunch of kids I am afraid I remember

But it all matters little. Jeder stirbt für sich allein.  Everyone must die on his own. That is the truth I have chosen a lifetime ago, might as well avoid questioning it now of all times.

Can you live with yourself?

The choices I made, I made for what I thought was best. I am what I am. I am what I copied from those who made me who I am. And I am also what little I have actually created.

Burnt bridges that will not carry passengers,

Long passed crossroads that will not see any more travelers.

A sorry landscape indeed,

But that is the one I shaped.

And yet I have that bitter aftertaste in my mouth, something that tastes an awful lot like regret.

The die is cast.

Aye, it is. And yet it is not. Life could be so boring if one would not impact his fate, really. Not that it is not anyways... Regardless...

Life runs its course,

A blazing chariot of laugh and cry,

As I watch my time pass me by,

And half-heartedly gather my force.

Oh. Right. I remember now. Admissibility results are due any time now and I have yet to work to hope to get an actually decent school. Welp. That is actually quite the important matter. It is fortunate I did end up remembering, truly.

Get to work.

Not too much I can do now, is there? Oh, I will get to work alright. I am just not gullible enough to believe I will be able to make up for any significant shortcoming.

A looming threat, 

A shadow of a doubt,

And suddenly a panic attack.

A terrifying devil on my back.

Seriously though. I will do what I need to. No excuses and no failures allowed this time around.

Not too stressed out?

Well, It not exactly like I have been taught to tolerate weakness.

If I am to lose the head, might as well do so on my own two feet.