anticipation

for beatnik

You can't prevent it

The way your stomach drops when you anticipate bad news

There are no colorful butterflies 

Or feelings of giddy excitement 

Just nervousness, shaky hands, sweaty palms

and pain

Like dragging a bag of rocks you can't get rid of

Or waiting to feel the pinch of a needle when getting a shot

You can't escape someone else's choice

As much as you try to block out their words, they still hit you

Hit you off the cliff of anticipation

Into the dark abyss of pain

You knew it was coming but didn't bother to get a parachute

It's inevitable that you'll hit the ground

And when you finally do

The wait is over, you're free

Free from the source, ready to pull yourself out

The only question now is how do you get out if every part of you is broken?