jeanine

i have lost love 5 times during my life, but this was the most difficult at every level of human experience... this is a true story!

The time for me to tell Jeanine's story is long overdue. It was the summer of 1979 in Portsmouth, Va. I was working at the Norflk Naval Shipyard as an outside machinist and living in the Port Norfolk area in a modest , cockroach infested apartment. My neighbors, Paul & Cindy were having a party next door on a Saturday. I had the weekend off and decided to accept the invitation. I walked next door and into their front room, the living room, and immediately saw Jeanine. She was sittiing on the sofa, drinking a glass of white wine, her smile was infectious and she was absolutely lovely to behold. She was a strawberry blonde, petite and absolutely perfect in every physical possibility. When she glanced up to see my entry, our eyes locked. There was immediate chemistry, definitive attraction was mutual. "Whoa!" she said, "who are you?" "I'm Quin",I replied, "and you would be?" "Very interested, I mean, I'm Jeanine!" Well, this was how we met.

 

We were next door in my apartment within thirty minutes and the fireworks continued. To say we ended up making love would be an understatement. Those details are not the issue here. What matters is that we seemed to be two lovers reunited from another place in time. There was never an angry word or an uncomfortable moment throughout the entire relationship,  which flourished and blossomed into a perfect love over the next several weeksl I mean, we knew what the other was thinking, almost always, and even finished each other's sentences, frequently.

 

She lived in Chesapeake with her family and they were very well off financially, hell, I was no pauper. My job paid almost $14 an hour, damned good wages for 1979. This lovely, bright, charming young lady went out of her way to make me a happy partner and contented lover.

 

One night, after making sweet, beautiful love together, as we were basking in the afterglow and speaking sweet nothings and imagining the future, sheshocked me by sayinig "you know, baby, my family is very rich. If you and I were to get married, you could retire to a life of luxuryl We can be so happy together." I told her it was a lovely thought, but, I was only 25 and that was too young to retire, but, we could talk about this after I met her family. I wanted to know that this was a viable option and not just a romantic notion. She invited me to her family home that weekend but I was scheduled to work. As she left that early morning, I kissed her goodbye and promised to call er duriing the weekend.

 

As fate would have it, she never got that call, in fact, no one answered at all. I found out why while watching the local tv newsl The day she went home, her brother had come into the house afterwards, loaded on PCP. He took a .22 caliber revolver and shot and killed the entire family, including my precious, beloved Jeanine. Her mother lived, but was paralyzed from the neck down. She testifiied against her sone in court and he later fried for his actions.

 

I have agonized for years over this. Jeanine had asked me to come over and I had to work. Had I gone there could I have perhaps saved her, or would I too, have been one of the victims?  I cursed God for taking her away from me, and, to this day, I still dream of her. I pray God has forgiven me for my misdirected anger, but, most of all, I hope against all that is sacred that Jeanine will someday forgive me for not being there for her when she most needed me. I have died twice, well, technically. I was comatose in 1996 from arsenic poisoning (but that is another story) for three weeks and flatlined twice. And twice I saw a bright light n the blackness and heard familiar voices. The second time, and I swear to this, I heard Jeanine's voice say "baby, it's not your time."

 

The next thing I knew I woke to find a pretty nurse giving my genitals a sponge bath. Yes,  I was in the ICU ward in the hospital. I could still hear Jeanine's voice in my head. Think what you may. chalk it up to hallucination or medication, but, I know, I know, I know...whe I do take that final journey, Jeanine will be there to guide me. Perhaps we will pick up where we left off as if nothing had ever happened. You know what? That is my deepest guilty desire.

 

What do you think?

 

 

Reviews

[Marie Anzalone]

So much to absorb here in little over 7 paragraphs. Each one has a theme that could (should?) be expanded to fill a novel. Love at first sight, soul twins, other side, intrigue, horrible realities of drug addiction and its aftermath, death penalty. And then some.

Yes, I believe in soul twins. Examining the concept, it is believed that we meet up with them 11 times in successive lives, but only to be with them in any way as we get towards our potential as human beings. It is not until we "get it right" that we are allowed to be with them for a lifetime that fufills us completely. I have only met a rare handful of these folks, and it is always impressive what they accomplish together.

The pain we endure in the lives leading up, I think, strips us to our core, leaves a shell with nothing behind but truth. And truth? I truly believe, some things do last forever. The scientist in me cannot explain how. The artist in me believes it as soul truth.

Go back through your words, Quin, Fix grmmar, spacing. Expand this. This is the story you are meant to tell. There are people who would read it. Lots of people.

[quinfinn]

i have been told by more than one "reader" that mine is an ancient soul, that i have had many past lives and on my final journey. i sincerely hope this is the case, because is am so tired.....if what you suggest is true , then we live our lives devoted to the search for our soul mates until we "get ti right" ...surely, i am not mistaken that Jeanine was my true soulmate.....it is just something i feel inside , like a second skin. thank you for your visit!

[quinfinn]

this goes with "an angel waits for me"

[Marie]

I think this is a wonderful story...I could never have told it. I can't share the way you can.
My daughter is named Janeen, because I didn't know the name should be spelled "Jeanine".

[Anthony]

This is a very moving story, gently but powerfully written. What a tragedy to have gone through, for all involved.