A Poem for Candace

This is a barely started and never finished idea for a novel. Enjoy.

A

poem

for

Candace

Thanks to my 12th-grade AP Literature teacher Mr. Giddings. I’m 100% sure he doesn’t remember me, I wasn’t a very good student and I got away with plagiarism so many times in that class. But, I feel like you’re supposed to give a shout out to your English teacher in these things.

Supermodels

“Look at how skinny I am!” Candace said, poking her clearly visible ribs.

I tried to smile.

But I all I could do was grimace.

Candace grinned anyways. “Supermodels need in on this secret!”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Get cancer! You’ll lose weight so fast!”

She laughed a sweet, innocent laugh.

I laughed.

That was pretty good.

We were only twelve, what did we know?

Wine

One glass

okay.

Two glasses

warm.

Three glasses

fuzzy.

Ten glasses

forget.

Ah, wine is so sweet.

Darkness

A thousand stars

twinkling at night

Can’t make up for the darkness you left.

The sun glowing

at it’s brightest

Can’t make up for the darkness you left.

The brightest lamp

that casts out shadows

Can’t make up for the darkness you left.

If a fire engulfed the world

burning radiantly

The darkness would still be there Candace.

Broadway

It was the Little Mermaid.

I didn’t want a big role.

I just wanted to be a fish.

A fish.

A fish.

An irrelevant fish.

“You’re too sad,” they said.

“Even when you’re acting.”

“I left home for this.”

“Sorry.”

A fish.

I hate you Candace.

Funeral

The sky was pastel blue

a dull sort of color.

There was nothing special about that day.

It didn’t rain

nor was the sky grey.

It was just a regular summer day.

Dad was busy

he said his work needed him.

Dad didn’t come to the funeral that day.

I was fourteen when they lowered the grave.

I was fourteen when I sung ‘The Trapeze Swinger” at your funeral.

I was fourteen when your mother cried in my arms for an hour.

I was fourteen when your father gave the eulogy.

I was fourteen when I lost my best friend.

He didn’t come.

He didn’t come.

He didn’t come.

He didn’t come.

Mom made excuses

but he didn’t come.

Cold

“It’s like Antarctica in here!”

I said, shaking my whole body violently to prove my point.

“Do you think Martin likes me? He’s so cute!”

Candace said, twirling her hair.

“Martin Gale? Yuck!”
I said, making a gagging noise.

“I like him. He really likes 50 Cent’s new album. Maybe I’ll get it for him.”

Candace said, grinning at her master plan.

“Enough about Martin! I’m absolutely freezing!”

I said, chattering my teeth because Candace wasn’t getting it.

“Okay whatever. I’ll tell Mom to turn up the heat or something.”

Candace said, quickly slipping out her bedroom door.

I turned on Kelly Clarkson.

She was our favorite artist.

I could hear Candace yelling for her mother.

“You turned on my favorite song without me!”

Candace said, playfully swatting at my arm.

I looked at her

She was so skinny.

Although she wore big clothing

I could see all her bones.

Her face was hollow

Candace is so sick.

“Because of you I’ll never stray too far from the sidewalk!”

Candace sang with all her heart.

I bit my lip and tried not to cry.

My best friend is dying.

Heat

Heat.

I slept.

She slept.

It was warm.

Heat.

She screamed.

I woke.

It was warm.

Heat.

I saw blood.

She bled.

It was warm.

Heat.

She bled

and bled

and bled.

It was warm.

Noel

“Jackie….?”

My older sister greeted me at the door.

“Is that you?”

Surprise.

In one arm hung a young baby boy

in the other arm cleaning supplies.

She almost looked like a real mom.

This couldn’t be my sister.

“Come in! I mean sorry I didn’t know you were coming. I would’ve cleaned! This is such a surprise.”

Noel rambled on.

“Oh, sorry! You look… I’m sorry I didn’t even ask about you! Jackie it's been years!”

Noel rambled on.

“How did you even find out where I lived? Where have you been?”

Noel rambled on.

“Jackie?”

Her house looked like something Noel would guffaw at.

A minivan,

two kids,

toys everywhere,

untidy,

photos of children in random poses,

and worst of all: a cloth couch!

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Noel sighed, “I have some old clothes I’m sure you can fit. You probably want to take a shower. You look like you haven’t eaten in five years! You probably want to eat. You’re welcome to stay, Michael is away on business.”

I nodded and forced a smile

A smile that looked like barbed wire.

“Dragons!”

said one baby boy.

Noel beamed and laughed. “That’s the only word Donovan knows. Michael taught it to him. Instead of teaching our son to say ‘Mommy’ or ‘Daddy’ he choose to teach him how to say ‘Dragons’. Nash hasn’t uttered a word yet. I’ll be the one teaching Nash.”

This couldn’t be my sister

in Tucson Arizona

being a mom.

This was an alien.

Move

“I’m moving to New York. My plane leaves tomorrow.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Dad. I’m leaving. I’m going to audition for Broadway.”

“Jackie, where are you going to stay! How can you afford New York?”

“This isn’t up for discussion. I’m leaving and it's decided.”

“No. You’re not going anywhere. You are seventeen years old! You haven’t even graduated!”

“I’ve used birthday money I saved up. The flight leaves at 11:00 am. I have arranged a ride.”

“Jacqueline Marie you are going nowhere!”

“I’m going to try for small roles. Work my way up.”

“You are not an adult. You cannot just leave!”

“I think this is what will make me forget.”

“She died three years ago! It hurt us all! You have to move on!”

“Bye Dad. Sorry we could never work it out.”

“What the f**k Jackie! What the f**k!”

Shrink

“She died, how does that make you feel?”

said the Shrink.

Like punching you in the mouth.

“Jackie, you’re wasting your parents money by not talking.”

said the Shrink.

He was ugly.

Big nose. Big head. Big meaty hands and body. Hair balding. Shrill voice.

$140 something an hour.

Waste.

They talk about her like she’s an item.

Items can be thrown away.

Candace can’t be thrown away.

Candace doesn’t just go away.

She’s there forever.

She lives forever.

She’s not an item.

New York

“Are you happy?”

He smelled like cigarettes and broken dreams.

“I don’t know.”

The cab was mustard yellow.
“You’ve come to the right city! Nobody here knows either.”

His voice was heavy and raspy.

“I guess.”

The meter read $52.34.

“Child, you can be miserable and live out all your dreams. Welcome to the city of dreams.”

We stopped at a brown

Fourteen

“Happy birthday to you!”

Candace blew hard.

Her whole body went into that small wisp of breath.

She didn’t even extinguish the candle.

Her mother acted quickly and pinched the flame.

Candace didn’t see.

But I did.

The hospital nurses cheered.

Everybody was trying to be happy.

Candace couldn’t eat her cake.

Special diet, the doctor said.

I didn’t eat cake.

They did, but I didn’t.

She was unhappy.

She was sick.

She couldn’t leave her bed.

You turned fourteen in a hospital.

You missed seventh-grade.

You missed Jimmy

(End) Falling

Falling

Falling

Falling.

S**t, there’s the bottom.

Author's Note

This was just an idea that never really came into fruition.

Reviews

[QuayvonS]

Phenomenal work! The way you developed this character is flawless. You give us so many emotions to feel and experience with her. I especially love the resentment you place in "Broadway" even though she's so committed to her best friend Candice. Please continue this, very well done!