Under My Skin

The weight of my skin holds me down like steel, calloused and heavy

 I’m trapped

Stuck in this shell of misery, betrayal and failure

Heartache consumes me because I don’t understand

Laden with the relentless affliction of life

Paralyzing me from within

Manifesting itself as tough rigid skin

Impenetrable, not allowing anything in

I’m alone

Afraid that the slightest touch or wrong move could be the end

Because I don’t think I could bare another ounce to this skin

I'd crumble

Shattering into a million dry brittle pieces

Each one holding a different drawn out over analyzed memory

And just the thought alone is killing me

I'm breaking

I can feel the cracks begin to spread and the fear sets in

Afraid that if I fall apart I'll never be whole again

So all this time I've been content with being an empty shell

I'm shaking

Thinking to myself this is the end

So instead of holding on to the misery

Why not just let the skin shed

And then little by little pieces fell

It’s happening

I feel lighter as I let the pieces fall where they may

No longer trying to delay the decay

Truth is it wasn’t me any way

Just a petrified shell

Fooling the world as if I was still there

The more I let go the better I feel

Lessening and lessening my fear

And that’s when I realize

There was something under all this skin

I’m free

Moving in any which way that I please

Realizing while trying to protect my shell

I was killing me

All this time wasted

Trying to hold the wrong things together

Instead of just breaking

While thinking shattering my skin would be my demise

Turns out it was me under my skin the whole time