Undecided

A trip inside my soul.

 

For the longest time life has been a struggle, choices, sometimes far too many to make. Never feeling like belonging anywhere. Gaining momentary relief from people surrounding me. Love of another shaming me into achieving more. Lifting me to an unfair pedestal. Dreams of what could be dancing gracefully in my field of vision. Never reaching out to grab them. Unworthy to touch and hold. Longing for something to fill me up.

Hiding myself away, with a greater fear of never being known. Searching to find something. Unaware of what potential lies inside. Trepidation of revealing myself to the world. Leaving myself numb to the new and the old. Unable to feel for the world around me. Walking in the shadows, praying never to be revealed. Safe in the knowledge of protection. Protection from life but not the demons swimming around me.

The fight has gone; stubbornness that knew no bounds has faded to black. The ability to connect is draining away. To hold is easy, to feel is not so. I wrap my arms around another but coldness be stills my heart. Are the circumstances of my life wrong? Have I just become numb to the point of no return? Should I change who I am? Has the history of my life damaged me too much? Are the people around me the wrong ones?

I want the strength I once had. The freedom that was once felt. I’m not the man I was. Am I something new or is what was still inside? Indecision follows everywhere, in every aspect. Am I meant to know but never to seek what I’m meant to be? Am I meant never to know? If I am meant to belong in this world, then why has a path no come before me?

Reviews

[TraceyPotgieter]

"If I am meant to belong in this world, then why has a path not come before me?" this sums it all up for me when it comes to questions about life, everything leads back to that question. Fantastic the way you put it across. Nice work!

[Ama May Cooper]

So powerful. Filled with so much truth it acehs y heart to feel your pain. I sympathise aswell making it much easier to read, a sensation passing thru me of respect

[Steven Pottle]

Wow- powerful and thought provoking piece of writing. I love the open ended questions that you are unable to answer, but are able to ask.
There's a section which really hits me, "To hold is easy, to feel is not so"...that's an amazing statement.
Great write mate.