Winter Thoughts

Just how I get through this season of sleep.

   

I wouldn't say winter is my favorite season, but in some strange way it has become my moment of quiet, a forced stillness, I neither anticipate nor dread. I have learned to use this time of solitude. It allows me to read my book, my soul, my path. I have no desire, nor energy to look outward. I am compelled by the frozen grayness to turn inward.

 

There is a similarity between me and the ash landscape that lies in wait. It is in the restless pacing of my soul, in the knowledge that I am far from that distant spring, that it is not a time to bloom, but a given space to rest. It is here that I catch my breath. It is in these melancholy voids that mold me. I have dreamed my greatest dreams, and faced my worst failures..in this season of sleep.

 

It is not always easy to turn back the pages and read your story. Often what made sense then, makes little now. Still, I go back and tediously reread the lines, again. My memory searches through the endless plots and plans of a person I sometimes only vaguely recall. I rummage through the pages without anger or regret. I have no wish to rewrite or edit that which has already been written. I have one purpose: find those pages that tell of lost dreams, of failed chances, of discarded leaves from other winters.

 

However torturous this seems, it is within this painful review I can feel the roots of my soul begin to grow. When I stumble onto passages that, when written, seemed aimless and without design, I am stunned by their clarity. I view this exploration of paths taken as a map, a guide to follow when today's path twists.

 

So, today I prepare for spring. I carry into this stinging chill a new plan, a vision of a better, more brilliant me. I am strengthened by the knowledge that my spirit is not dead, but only dormant, and in wait. I have thousands of stupid plans within me, countless unrealistic dreams, endless wrong paths to walk. What a glorious spring it will be.

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

Self reflecting is to often a difficult thing to endure. We see ourselves in a way that no other could possibly ever see. We are the hardest on ourselves and our past mistakes. But I think in those times we spend look back over where we have been and the people we once were, we gain a deeper appreciation of where we are now and the places we are headed. Life is mostly a journey of self awareness and becoming to understand our place in the universe. I look at spring as a time of rebirth and new possibilities. We get a chance to plants something new into the soil of the world and feel a little more connected to all that surrounds us. You my friend plant seeds into all of us that are lucky enough to read your words and wisdom of life. I think you are a sower of the seeds of hope and knowledge. As we learn from you more and more. You are a great man, great being, and I just ask that you keep sharing yourself and love with us all.

[Carole]

The seasons...there's a reason for all four and they are all vital to the replenishment of the earth. I have never been much of a winter person. I am too much of an outside person...planting flowers, hanging the hummingbird feeders and the wonder of watching them visit and drink sugar water, yard work and pruning...and yet the stillness, the quiet that winter brings is a necessary element of life. Gives us time to reflect and ponder things that matter. Time to look within ourselves and perhaps to understand ourselves in a way we never have. You've given me a new perspective of winter, my friend.

I have a book called "Celebration of Discipline." Just a teeny tiny book I bought in the Goodwill, and it talks about the importance of solitude. When I was in Bible school, we took a day to spend several hours in the park-we each found a special spot to ourselves and just sat. The most amazing revelation came to me from God. Now I know why they say, "Silence is Golden."

More in a personal message. (((Hugs))), Carole

[Dezaraye]

Ray, I really like this piece. I love your honesty and acceptance of yourself. I don't like winter at all. I struggle so much with being cooped up and not seeing anything but white and gray. I remind myself that spring is soon and it helps. Thank you for sharing your soul with us.

[Kelly Scheppers]

You articulate and fascinate like no other...and what extraordinary work this is, touching both the heart and soul of this poet!