10-17-15

10-17-15

I hold a delicate balance in my hand and am skeptical I can bare its weight.  I fear I might lose myself to unspeakable horrors, become the horror and produce it should I favor the side horror represents.  The exact opposite attributes waits on the other side.  It is said to be complete with total love and understanding.  Inside I perceive a mixture brewing, for I am not the virtuous entity and neither the debauched tyrant.

An accurate description of my feeling would be despair though I am unsure how to then describe despair.  It is a great force attacking my will and clouding my senses, one created by my own inner turmoil rather than outside interference which makes it all the more difficult to challenge.

So here I sit a mere shell spent on atrocities yet to pass.  Should they cease their course I would discover a new world of relief though as I exercise my ability to perceive future events that outcome seems unlikely. 

Darkness surrounds me as I dwell in this pit.  By human measures it has been almost one whole day since I saw sunlight.  Not long by my standards but perhaps an eternity to others.  I need no light to see as I write.  I see beyond shades.

And to think they bore from the mere drippings of ocean life is still a brilliant conception. I wonder where credit is due for it. I suppose it doesn't much matter. What is done is done and the beginning is an impossible place for me to start anyway. Though I may be older than time and my memory is very much still intact I find it an old tale both stuffy and boring. So then let me start somewhere a bit more up-to-date yet still before the craze of technology and war.

When I first gazed upon them from shadows I found their texture rich with detail. Over time their appearance greatly improved however; coming from hairy dwellers using all appendages to move about to walking upright on two legs. With the thirst for knowledge came a variety of principles. Not long after the portrayal of beauty painted a very specific picture. It demonstrated how a proper woman was expected to look which gave way to various interpretations. Such burdens often accompanied civilized societies.

Near the water's edge my reflection is cast. Its distortion ripples as a slip of raven hair skims the surface. Though the sun beams down on me I am cold inside. These hazel-green eyes that stare back at me are dead. Life has left them a long while ago. With skin as white as snow, I appear as I feel; a ghost.

Over the moonlight path fog thickens creatures within its trenches howl. Hooves kick up dirt and debris. The masked rider cracks a whip. His laws govern secrecy and fabrications. He wrestles morals and squeezes life out of hope. Some may call him devil, but I know him as...father.

Try to dream of reasons to despise. Monsters stalk the dark and cold. Empty rooms shade more crimson and gray. Crushed dreams lay on floorboards. Perverse knights in their unsullied armor retreat. Dirt settles around me. It cloaks the solidity of my empathy. Gazing into the depths of tomorrow I collapse. The serpent's fangs pumped venom. Perched on deceit's steps, hallows dry up unholy martyrs. In evil breeds a new founded government.

Life twists into dark tunnels. Though I squint I see nothing but blacker than black. The floor tilts beneath me.  A sharp turn right then a curve left and I am speeding faster into a yawning abyss. Shadows spool images only the imagination might understand and so as I continue to slid to my doom. I close my eyes and feel my heart thud in my chest. It might be forever, but here I am to stay forever sliding into darkness.

You address fairytale. This is the fragile plot absorbed to deny truth. I am but a snake in this pit. Withered hands stamped with age fold. Prayer is not to be had from dry tongues. Eyes wrinkled star empty up at a cloudy sky as thin lips part stale air escapes in short gasps. If only the star would answer and the moon held wisdom... Perhaps glory would not be here on her knees pain. And even then disease ravishes in its wake. In the single pane of glass her reflection is caught like a fly in a spider's web.

          Darkness….  I am falling into darkness again.  Darkness….

           Blades of darkness slice through tender sinewy as thick meaty cords restrict then loosen.  Eyes jolt though they see no more. Mouth agape, a last scream forever sticks in a dry throat.  Now she is a lump in midst a sticky pool.  Fear no longer rules this slab of cold flesh.  Death comes to every living thing.  Fixed upon her blotchy face is realization to that fact.  Of course it had never been oblivious to her beforehand.

"God" is a science no mortal man can figure out.  In her final hours as the blade glided across blue veins she caressed such thoughts knowing they will never bother her again.