Her Need For One More Soul

You were high with me in bed.

"Would you give me your soul", you said.

I laughed unconvinced 

But the high set In and paranoia spread.

"What do you mean?" I said.

You replied, " I owe the devil one more soul".

I laughed but felt scared.

I wanted to say yes. So I did.

The rest of my night and life filled with regret.

I'll never know what you really meant.

Reviews

[Justine Johnston]

This piece draws me in. An ex-lover used to call me a succubus. He was so violent towards me because I honestly think he believed it. He would only ever called me that when he was hurting me, calling me a demon in itself was hurtful seeing as I only ever wanted to be an angel to him.
A heavenly seraphim, turned to a sad succubus torn apart by crazy feelings and thoughts like: "Well, which one am I?" "Which dominates me?" "Which was me first?"

There's a succubus, and an incubus- both beautiful to the point where if they asked for your soul, you'd be glad enough to give it up for them because in the moment it feels risky and fun, until it settles in your stomach and feel a little lighter all of a sudden.

But, you haven't lost yours. It grows with each word you write, so best not to stop.

[Ruth]

Damn...how many people have done so and to what cost...the soul is a precious commodity to those who know how to barter for it...such things happen and in a blink of an eye...a dazing and intriguing piece richy :)

[Carolynn]

You did a great job taking the reader through the emotions of this poem. She's a bit of an evil one though - run....run as fast as you can :) (and don't ever let the "chance" for sex lure you in again!!) that's the Mother in me talking ;)

[richy]

You're the second one who's thought that i was lured in by sex. I'm starting to feel like I got screwed on this deal now... It was Love that persuaded me

[Carolynn]

Oh I'm sorry richy - i guess I misunderstood - you can delete my comment :)

[richy]

no way! It can be taken however i was just telling you waht really happened lol

[ANTO]

I wonder how often musicians and film stars have heard such a statement from a lover - off the cuff - and wondered, s**t...what if that was THE sale. This gave me chills. Nice job.

[wordman]

sounds like a movie i watched back a few years ago
she needs to release her soul from satan,she must bring him 2 or 3
sex is always the best time for a request

[richy]

Sadly, There wasn't any sex. haha Love proved the motivator to this poem.

[wordman]

so you got had !

[Elise Anton]

You were high with me in bed.
"would you give me your soul", you said.
I laughed unconvinced

Capitalize your speech beginnings. Line 2 and line 5.

"But the high sets In and paranoia spreads." Is this switch in tense intentional? I would assume "But the high set in and paranoia spread"? If unintentional?

"Your reply," Either "Your reply:" Or "You replied,"???????

"So I did."..... "I did."????????????????

Like barleygirl said, lots of curiosity and I like curiosity. But I wouldn't be me if I didn't - you know - do my 'thing'? Over to you Master :)

[richy]

I don't see the change in tense. It's all past tense as I read it but i could just be missing it.

[richy]

nvm it was "sets"

[Elise Anton]

Sorry had to go out. You saw it anyhow :)

[barleygirl]

This is a nice little puzzle of a read. I enjoyed it & was drawn forward all along out of curiosity. I could almost feel the various sensations: being high, laughing, then paranoia, more nervous laughter . . . these are the rich & realistic details that bring a little vignette to life in the reader's mind. Good job!

[richy]

Thanks Barley! I've missed your reviews.

[barleygirl]

Sorry if I've been neglecting you! My memory is shot, so I can't remember who I've reviewed recently. If there's anything you want me to see for sure, please read request. I will always read you.

[barleygirl]

I'm actually re-reviewing this one. I had a bad neck injury near my brainstem & my memory is shot. I can't remember the last poem I just read. So it's rare that I can look at a writer's list of stuff & remember a poem fondly, as I just did this one. I just came back for another read. It's really something to be memorable to someone with a piss-poor memory! *smile*

[richy]

Hahaha Barley! Get Elise and here to praise me!

[M. L. F.]

lolol @ richy :)

[M. L. F.]

Oooooh, why not? Ask her... I like this one. It is a little glimpse into a very strange and potent moment. Intimate and mysterious. I am far too curious a woman to let a thing like that go unanswered lol. This one is nice how it tells a story as well as conveys feelings. In my opinion that is the best kind of poetry...

[richy]

I can't ask her. It's too late I already have her the soul lol

[M. L. F.]

Damn.... lol