tell me what I want to hear (make me want to disappear).

⚠️TW⚠️ When you know you are in a toxic relationship but yet you feel a sense of discomfort/fear just thinking about not having that person in your life.

“You disgrace.”
Said confidently to my face.
From the one who claims to love me, especially when putting on a show.
From your heart to the arrow released from the bow.
The bow that Cupid once held.
Hit me directly in the place you used to love so well.
As I’m bleeding out,
You whisper something that seems so loud.
“I love you”
I still believed it to be true.
You grab a washcloth and wipe away my pain.
Then you lead me to where memories were made.
You forgot something though,
The arrow is still in me, you know?
Caress it and tell me it’s fine.
I should have known that was a well-thought lie.
The bleeding is all worthwhile by far.
As long as it means you hold me in your arms.
The feeling of twisted safety and fear.
I still shudder when you come near.
When I come to you, pleading that something is wrong.
Tell me I’m crazy and that you won’t stay here for long.
I hear a faint crack in my heart as those words roll off your tongue.
Suddenly I feel something suppressing my lungs.
All it took was one word of delusion which I perceived as hope.
I really wish I would have known.
“I need you.” That’s what you said.
Felt so loved so long as I was on your bed.
It was then where I knew that was where I was safe.
Eventually you’ll have to want me to stay?
I’ve thought about leaving.
The thought of freedom is so appealing.
But the thought of being without you chains me to your perpetual soul.
Just reel me in closer so I’ll never leave your control.
Remind me that you’ll die if I ever leave.
Surely that will stop me.

Author's Note

(Please do not worry, this person is out of my life now and I have healed).
I just wanted to communicate the message of how hard is really is to leave a toxic person because I’ve heard a lot of stereotypes of “just leave them” “it’s not that hard” and I just want to try and educate people by giving them an account of how it really feels in this situation. If anyone relates to this or is currently experiencing anything like this, always remember that you are stronger than you think you are and you will find the light and courage to free yourself one day ❤️
I know this message probably won’t reach many people so thank you for reading this <3