A Plea to the Apathetic Warrior

A new age recruiting narrative for uncle same.

           Imagine a world that not longer needs foot soldiers to carry out deadly missions putting American lives at risk. A world where sophisticated armored personal carries are a distant memory and tax payers are no longer asked to pay the tab on fleets of fully loaded billion dollar manned fighter and reconnaissance aircraft. As a drone operator you will be able to destroy a target with ease while sipping a Mountain Dew from the safety of an air conditioned room with your fellow "pilots" in what will be called the Arcade of Mass Destruction or AMD. The future is closer than you think and millennials are acquiring the skills needed at an alarming rate. Of the many skills required to become a pilot in the worlds greatest Air Force and rack up an astonishing confirmed kill value or what is commonly referred to as "points" the most valuable may surprise you.

            Can you run three miles in under 18 minutes or complete 100 crunches in 2 minutes? If you can that is wonderful but that will not help you as a drone pilot. As a drone pilot you need to have the discipline to lock yourself in an area no larger than the average teenagers bedroom and spend countless hours staring at a monitor while toggling a small game like controller. You must interpret a large amounts of information at  rapid speed. You must consistently monitor altitude and heading and adjust as necessary. From time to time you will need to download information your drone is collecting during surveillance missions. You must record situation, adjustments, vigilant course, execution, ground speed, air speed, maintenance, and encoding or simply use the acronym S.A.V.E. G.A.M.E.. Remember anyone can lift weights or go out for a run, it takes true self discipline to sit back and do almost nothing.

            During missions there are times where communication is of the utmost importance and due to mission security audible signals are not a secure means of communication. Correspondence or "COMM." will be done through a text code comprised of letters, numbers, and an assortment of small emoji type font. A comm attachment will be added to your game controller and you must be able to type swiftly. Thumb dexterity is a skill that must be mastered as there may be missions that require hundreds of text in a relatively small time frame and this will require the pilot to text and fly. While it is not safe to text and fly you must master the 2/1 ratio which is also know as the text text look method.

            There is one true goal of any military and that is to act professional in public and be ready to kill when you are back at the A.M.D.. The most important skill one must master is the Internet Tough Guy skill. To most it is hard to speak in a derogatory manner when face to face as it is for the I.T.G but from a distance whether it be a chat room, message board, or social media the I.T.G can shine. Like a drone pilot delivering an AMG-114 Hell-Fire Missile it is important you are able to deliver the most devastating remakes with total anonymity. Studies show regardless of preference of remakes intended to disparage one's race, religion, sexual preference, or sex, those possessing the skill of I.T.G. make up the top percentile of drone pilots.

            There are many military occupational specialties that will be available in the future and drone pilot is just one using real life skills that you can hone on a day-to-day basis. These are turbulent waters we navigate and the seas are only getting rougher. So Help America. Keep doing what you can. Play your video games and be sure to rack up as many kills as possible so you can brag to your friends you've accomplished something. Be sure to text and drive because bad things only happen to other people. Finally next time you are reading a post written by a complete stranger be sure to post a reply stating you feel his views obviously come from his  homosexual nature and the intimate knowledge you have of his mother because it's on the internet and no one really cares anyway. If you can master these skills you can help fight radical religions that have vowed to end our way of life and help make America great again. God Speed future warriors!

Author's Note

This is the first thing I have ever written and it is meant to be tongue in cheek.

Reviews

[Saud Maroof]

God! This is amazing the start was little dry with very few face curves but by the end you had me chuckling. I advice you to not be robotic with the intro be absurd like the few jokes you dilvered by the end. But still maintain a steady flow of reporter like writing that will build you a good momentum and keeps your reader away from feeling the burden of the haunting reality till the end then when he closes his Web page or take a breathe after a laugh he will think deeply of what you just emploded him with.

This was an amazing first time. Thank you for sharing.