Because Of My Jerk Of An Ex-Boyfriend

Thanks to a jerk, my life is better.

Have you ever been in that one relationship with a guy, or girl it works either way, where at first it starts off great and all lovey dovey? Yeah? Well so far we’re on the same path. Okay, now as months go by, things start get a little rocky but you and your partner are trying to work through whatever problems you have. Still following me? Okay, this is where we may get lost.

It’s been a year in your relationship, and yeah there seems to be some problems and for whatever reason they’re not being resolved, so you agree to take a break from each other, so just not talk to each other for a while and give the other time to think about everything. Now, everyone still following along? Well let’s continue.

The break between you two has ended and it’s the day before your partner’s birthday. You’ve bought them a fairly pricey gift but it’s worth it because you love him. The night before also happens to be one of his/her friend’s birthdays. They were invited, along with you but you couldn’t go for whatever reason. Before they leave you say,

“I love you; have a good time with your friends.”

The next day you don’t say those words. The next day, it’s your partner’s birthday. You’re the first to write happy birthday on their Facebook wall, you’ve got their wrapped presents and you can’t wait to take them to their house to give it to them. But then you get a phone call. That’s the call that breaks your heart, leaves you feeling cold and dead.

It’s your boyfriend/girlfriend. They seem nervous, quiet. They attempt to make small talk but you know something is wrong. Then they say it, it destroys you after being in a relationship for so long.

“We should just be friends.”

They apologise and cry with you, making you feel as if it’s just because you’ve lost the spark in your relationship. When they hang up the phone, you lie in bed, crying silently, wishing for the comforting hug they used to give you. But there are no hugs now, just loneliness. Has everyone kept up so far?

The next day, your parents and all your friends know that you’re no longer in a relationship. Your still hung up over the break up, but trying to move past it. You think that’d be an easy task. You’re added to a group chat with your two closest friends. One of the two was also at that party your partner went to because they were invited. But it’s what they tell you that sends you and your emotions into overdrive.

“They were getting cuddly with another guy/girl; it was someone you know too.”

That moment when you’re told this, is where everything swirls into a pit of despair. Anyone else in this boat or just me?

~~

For me, after a month I did a lot. I confronted my boyfriend and he admitted to being cuddly and lovey with a girl I genuinely was friends with. I fell into depressed states and cried at least twice a day. I realised who were my true friends, and how you won’t have more than the fingers you can count on one hand. I also joined the Butterfly Project, a group dedicated to stop self-harming for people of all ages, sex etc. I somehow managed to keep my butterflies alive for some time. But it didn’t last too long.

About four, five days after my ex-boyfriend’s birthday, he and my now ex-friend where in a relationship. It broke my heart, again, and I wanted to cut myself. But I couldn’t bare to cut my skin, I was too afraid of the pain.

But there was one thing that made me smile for the first time in a while. The next day she back-stabbed him and played him. I was happy he got hurt, possibly too happy for a normal person.

~~

As time went on, I was still in depressed states and I felt like nothing was worth doing, nothing interested me anymore. But then I became “The Therapist” or in what I called it “You listen to my problems, I don’t give a s**t about yours because they’re worthless.” I listened to every bullshit problem he ever had, but regarded mine as worthless and childish.

Even in recent months we fought about this. He was bitching about how he wanted to go out and see his friends. Me, I told him I was feeling depressed to the point where I had a knife next to me. I was going to cut, for the very first time, and I was going to ignore the pain and fear I felt. He told me to shut up and not complain about something so meaningless, and called me an idiot. I couldn’t do anything after that.

I ignored him, and I put the knife back in the kitchen and cried myself to sleep. I was in so much mental and emotional pain. I was so sick of everything; I just wanted everything to be over. Then something magical happened.  

He messaged me, quite recently, and told me that even though he still liked me, he wouldn’t go through another relationship because too much has happened between us. I was happy, and though a part of me that still felt something for him, I was happy to move on, to something so much better than anything with him.

~~

In the last few weeks, I’ve found a spark and I’m determined to keep it alive. I’ve found someone that truly cares for me, who cares if I’m crying my eyes out (hasn’t happened in a while I can tell you that), wants to keep me happy and accepts me just for how I am. He compliments me, makes me smile and laugh, always hugs me close; my spark who I’ve dubbed “Romeo” has made me the happiest I’ve ever been in the past year and a half, and I think now, If I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t be the person I am right now, at this very moment " happy, content with doing well with whatever I have in front of me, and feeling truly loved.

 

Author's Note

This is based on everything I've been though for a while...