Runaway Boy

The story is amazing. The interaction of the characters made the story strong. Something changes our life and can't be repaired. A very good story. I like the story you write. English is a hard language even for the native speaker. You do very well and that is a great skill to maintain and improve.Thank you.
Coyote

Posted 13 Years Ago

It's commendable attempting to write a story in your second language, but there is a lot that needs to be done.

To sum up, I wouldn't have minded the spelling and grammar errors but it seriously inhibited me from getting through this story. I don't mean to sound harsh or anything, I'm really just trying to get you to work on what needs done. Unless you can polish this story up (which is going to be a LOT of work for you), I'd deem this story unsalvageable. Sorry Ronnan.

Posted 13 Years Ago

You REALLY need to work on your tenses as you were constantly shifting back and forth between present and past, subsequently chopping up flow and the ability to actually follow along (for me anways).

You have a broad English vocabulary, but I think it's in this that you are making sentences overly complex or making poor choices with certain adjectives. For instance: 'My built-in, sliding closet standing GRANDLY at the corner...' Firstly, this sentence makes no sense (needs to be 'WAS standing'); secondly, grandly is a really awkward adjective to use here; and thirdly, it's IN the corner ('at' and 'in' were two words you mixed up frequently)...

Posted 13 Years Ago

I agree with TTBoy, this is pretty nice---although with the dialogue in red, it kind of makes it look like the Bible. That's not a good or bad thing; that's just what it reminds me of! :)
Anyway, I'll be waiting for the next chapter!

Posted 13 Years Ago

Ronnan - aside from the grammatical errors, it is actually a pretty good story. I wish you could have gotten the call from your dad though. Then again, you probably wouldn't be just like your dad. Good job!

Posted 13 Years Ago