This is Me Looking at You

Anxiety has always controlled how I look at the world. When I finally found the courage to look up I saw you looking at me and everything changed.

This is Me Looking at You

Today I looked at you for the first time. I saw alluring grey eyes that spoke to my universe. It whispered whirls of light that touched my soul. Today I looked at you for the first time. I saw your smile that was as wide as the skies are blue. It conveyed this charm about you that makes the moths wreak havoc on my insides. For that moment, that split second of just us being connected and together in a singular moment in time and space I felt what it is like to be loved. I felt our hearts and souls in collaboration with each other beating in time. Even now as I think about it, the memory sends electric waves to wash over me creating this light and joyous feeling. Every question, every doubt is pulled away out to sea and I am left weightless, floating, smiling at the memory of your eyes and the wide, charming smile that reached the grey orbs of your being.

This is what I’ve been missing. Not love. I have the greatest love I will ever know, and no human is capable of reaching the top of the Heavens. What I have been missing was this connection to another human being and a want to lift my head and look into the world. I have always been terrified to look into the world. It has been beaten into me that when I look up into the world I will see nothing but pain. I stopped taking the risk a long time ago until I met you.

When I met you my world was in shambles. I was slowly caving in as the world swallowed me up. You put out your hand to touch me gently like a human luring a scared animal out of a hole. I refused to look up as if I did you would turn into a monster. I flinched as I felt your hand caress my flesh as you whispered calmingly into my head to unravel my thoughts. I melted into you as you reversed the pressure that constricted my breathing. You untangled the mess of thoughts threading through brain making a maze out of it all. I was wandering around lost and you found me. Not only did you find me, but you helped me to find my way out of my darkest hole.

Today was the first time I didn’t let fear control me. It was just a glimpse, but that glimpse into your universe was all I needed to build my confidence to do it again. I want to see more of your eyes that speak life and beauty into this dank world. I want to see more of that smile that can cause an earthquake under just my feet. I want to study your face and hands. I want to memorize every little detail about you. Why? Because today I looked at you for the first time and saw a person as scared as I am and yet when you looked up into the world you saw me, and it made you smile.