Missing Gray

Love? Abuse?

You gave me hope

I had given up on life being beautiful

My world was gray

I preferred it that way

Color meant emotions

And I couldn’t handle any more heartache

But you forced your way in

Tossing bombs of red velvet and gold

I watched your masterpiece come together

Scared and excited

Now my world was vibrant

Full of adventure and fierce passion

At times it’s so bright it’s blinding

an overwhelming emotional rainbow

Other times it is massive and repulsive

Terror replaces desire

Then I miss that gray world

Where things are simple

you can’t love me and you can’t hurt me

Author's Note

Be honest

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love the way you address a familiar topic (love) in an original way. I can very much relate to all the ideas presented -- how colors might be longed for, but then it feels overwhelming when we get our wish. Good use of "color" and "gray" as metaphors for the presence or absence of intensity in life & in other people. There's lots of raw honest feeling being expressed here.

When focusing on "colors" . . . your message could be expanded by SHOWING instead of telling (first rule of good writing). Here's an example: "tossing bombs of vibrant colors" -- show me these bombs, using all the senses -- how does it look, how does it sound, how does it smell? You use the word "color" pretty often, whereas you could splash some real unusual color words into your message, which not only convey color, but to convey an emotion, like using "rose" instead of "pink" or using "turquoise ice" instead of "blue" (see how these color choices convey more layers of meaning?)

Your poem is excellent just the way it is. But I'm only throwing out ideas for your future writings (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[RBrmdz]

this was one of the best reviews i have gotten. it had ideas for improvement while complimenting my strengths. truly helpful and appreciated. i started writing again after a long stretch so I'm pretty rusty. my writing comes out like a rush cant control all the ontent and most of it is free write that i tweak to be a poem. i do however hope to take the writing more serious and need more reviews like this one! Thank you Margie!

[RBrmdz]

alsop i totally agree with what you said i read it again and was like oh yeah i could tweak this and make it realy realy great

[barleygirl]

I believe in continual improvement, instead of trying to rework each poem into perfection. Most poets hate to do that, so I try to give ideas for that continual path of writing & improving. I like what you did to intensify the idea of "color bombs" & other tweaks . . . thanks for considering my ideas *smile*

[RBrmdz]

I dont know if im a poet or not but i enjoy creating and when critique is given correctly with the right intention i dont mind reworking as my writing process is write whatever comes to mind then polish it until im sick of it and cant look at it anymore haha