Perpetual Love

Time will never fade when you're with me.

Perpetual our love will be
Just like the birds up in the trees
Who sing their happy joyous songs
And dance together all along

We smile and sit under the shade
The oaks old leaves shall start to fade
I'll hold onto our love so dear
As the winter is drawing near

The cabin doors are locked for good
The night is lit by fire wood
The furnace burns so warm and bright
I'll hold you close, I'll be your sight

The quilt covers our barren souls
The sweet, sweet dreams will soon unfold
Just close your eyes and you will see
As one, together we are free

The sun will rise and you will see
Our love it lasts perpetually

Reviews

[SydneyLK]

Wow, that was a really skillfully written poem, great job with the rhyming!
I especially enjoyed that last line, "The sun will rise and you will see/Our love it lasts perpetually".
One thing I'd like to mention though, I think it may make things a bit more accessible if you tried writing more like you talk. I don't know you personally, but I'm pretty sure you don't speak like you wrote this poem. While poetry, especially structured verse, cannot mimic speech exactly, I think using words we would normally use and phrasing things in a way that would normally come out of our mouth can help open the work up to the reader and make it seem more real. The reason most of us are taught by our English Lit. teachers to write poetry this way following the greats, i.e. Longfellow, Blake, etc... is because many of the greats actually did speak that way... Today, we don't and I think our poetry should reflect this.
Anyway... That's my idea.
You did a great job with this, though, very skilled use of structure and rhyming, keep up the good work!

[cheyenne s garcia]

How great this was to read. Well done.

[MeganAlyssa]

I've never been good at writing poems, and I have such an admiration for people who are. That was great(: I love when poems can make me feel something. I loved that(: