Prologue - Augmented

This story is about a multi-national company based in New York which distributes a DNA augmenting formula, that in turn grants the user supernatural powers.

This is the prologue to a novel I plan to write throughout University. I hope you enjoy the concept!

Augmented- Prologue

   The dense, intimidating lump of elegantly welded steel towered above New Manhattan, casting its ravishing demon of a shadow across the twinkling landscape of prestigious glamour. The Aug-Industries complex, fifty-seven stories high, shaped like a ridiculously oversized hourglass, sat perfectly in the midst of a once-flourishing city. It's glorious windows met the sun's gaze face first; blossoming affinity for all who care enough to admire, while the insipid strands of poorly maintained lower class apartments flecked the ground, spewing disease, crime and Splice. Heaven and hell, really.

   On the fifty-seventh floor penthouse of the complex, hell ceased to exist. Clouds, luminance from the city below creeping through the skylights and classical music was all Callus August knew. What a peaceful baby, Melissa had thought, her son was going to grow up to be such a handsome young man. A smile spread across her beatiful, untarnished face of twenty-six as little Cal gurgled happily along with their tune. Melissa had hummed the same melody to Cal every night before bed for the past 6 months, since his birth. Eventually, he seemed to give in to his mother's charm and began to join in with his out of sync, gargled chirping. Flailing his arms and legs in delight, they swayed together delicately each night, safe from the sirens and horns of Downtown Manhattan.

   "Honey, I'm heading out," said William August, CEO and proud leader of Aug-Industries, who had strolled in casually, bobbing to the sweet sound of Mozzart, "Duty calls. Something big going on at Lower Nellis."

   "Oh," sighed Melissa, "I thought maybe we could-" she was cut off immediately.

   "I'm sorry, okay?" snapped William. "Look, I'll be back as soon as I can. The storm's getting worse, and you know how the Splice get when they get agitated."

   "I know... Just, I love you. Stay safe." she replied.

   "Yes, Mel, I love-" He was interrupted by a terribly loud, unbalanced variation of a TV show theme-track.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this." He groaned, hurrying out of the room. Alarm in his voice, the front doors slammed shut and the sound of pummelling down fifty-seven flights of stairs commenced. The elevators were malfunctioning... again.

   Melissa sighed, and sank back into her leather armchair infront of Cal's cot. She lifted his stripy blue t-shirt and stroked his chest. Four scars, each the shape of a capital C, directly above his heart. Melissa's lip curled, her smile wavering as if bearing bad news or about to burst into tears.

She exhaled, and sat back. Resting her hand on his silky, jet black hair, she whispered to him.

   "Callus, my baby," her eyes welling up for certain, now, "I truly never wanted this. Your father, he's not the most compassionate... or realistic... or..." Melissa bowed her head, droplets lapping on her bare knees below her velvet dressing gown. "Just promise me Cal. Promise me that you'll never-"

The loudest, most threatening strike of thunder ever witnessed. Cal whimpered tenaciously, as if on the edge of a cliff. Either sway back to safety, or plummet to a rocky death five hundred feet below.

   "Cal... Cal, it's okay, shh, no-" She whispered softly, but desperation was present. Melissa knew what was about to happen. The sheer terror sweeped across the baby's face, laying still, the veins in it's neck glowing a sky blue. Limbs rigid, expression both blank and full of terror. But there was a hint of something else. Something more powerful. Something more dangerous.

   Rage.

   Before anything could be done, Cal let out an almighty scream. A frequency not many humans could recognise as from this world, or yet this dimension. What followed was unkown to Melissa August, as she dropped to her knees, hands at her ears. The cries were not overly loud, coming from little Cal, but they were rather coming from inside her head. Blinding lights, revolting smells, unfathomable sounds and intense disorientation.

    Everything was gone. 

   Melissa reluctantly removed her hands from her ears and let out a sigh of relief. Although, it wasn't air that exited her lungs and flowed out of her windpipe. It was blood. All colour drained from her face, as white as a sheet, the only colours and sounds being the vicious crimson dripping from her ears and mouth. She raised her hands to her face, to find nothing but a blurred shade of pink, and she collapsed to the floor, her head smashing violently against marble as if she had thrown herself downwards.

Silence, as her life force spread outwards towards each wall of the nursery in the form of a liquid. Poor Cal, sitting peacefully all alone in his manger. It was as if nothing happened as he gurgled playfully, and magnificently the storm had gone.

   "Great", he thought, "now I can sleep in peace."

Author's Note

What do you think of my sentence structure? Anything I can do to improve impact?
Ignore paragraph structure.

Reviews

[K.]

I don't normally read/enjoy science fiction, but your use of description made it enjoyable to read for me! It was a really interesting idea and you carried it out very well! The end was pretty crazy, seeing as I didn't expect it at all, but I like when that happens; it makes the story different from the others (although your idea, I've never thought of!). But it was really good. My favorite part was probably the first paragraph, with all the description. I'm looking forward to reading more if you continue! It would be a very intriguing story! Great job.

[Ryanicus]

Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate the comments! Yeah I try to keep things original, hopefully nobody's done anything like it before. Thanks again, I'll be uploading a few more chapters soon :3

[Craig2591]

Very rich and descriptive. I could easily picture it. Any richer would be overkill, though.

Funny twist at the end. I like it.

[Erin DeLis]

Whoa. That was awesome, like seriously. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I was on the edge of my seat hanging on to every line. I definitely didn't expect that, which is great for a prologue. As far as sentence structure nothing seemed wrong to me. The story seems like it's going is a very interesting directing, very intriguing. I really like how descriptive you were, and your vocabulary. I can't wait to read more. :)

[Ryanicus]

Thanks a lot, really appreciate you reading and reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed it :D

[Wolfwind]

OH wow! What an opening! The story hooked me on the prologue... that doesn't happen often. I love the plot line and where it may head. I think you really exploded the scene that was rich in description, question and anticipation. I look forward to what happens next.
I felt the actual technical aspect was fine. I didn't see anything that jumped out at me as off or out of place or incorrect.

Great Ink!
Aaron

[Ryanicus]

Thank you so much! That was really encouraging!