WHEN THEY KILLED THE SUN.....

i dont understand why i wrote it,what triggered or what ever stimulated it,...........

 

A strange cold pulsating in my veins,

as I lifted the blanket hurriedly,

yawning,looking out at the huge sky,

dark very dark,

''why is it so dark''

a thought clinging to my mind like locust to a blade of grass,

and then,flakes of red appearing,

blood red roses strewn in bride's dark hair,

orchids floating in the lakes of black,

like a begger stitching crimson rags into his tattered black robes,

me unable to cope with mounting suspense,climbing out of the cozy bed,

lighting the lantern,I looked around searching,

my gaze unanswered every time,

expecting hard concrete,I was out on the street,without bothering for shoes,

some thing cold,fluid and watery,

pressing against my feet,

wondering for a moment,staring hard on the gold circle from the flickering flame,

I shuddered as I gasped,a layer of cold travelling through my warm body paralyzing me,

Eyes....,

I was standing,walking on heaps of them,

Grey,blue as the seas,hazel,honey,brown,green as Emrald,

lovely eyes,almond eyes,intelligent eyes,poetic eyes,loved eyes,loving eyes,

I clenched my teeth to choke my shrieks,

looking at the stains of red,on the vast sky,

Swish,swash,a thousand windy brooms,

cream and white clouds conspiring,

a brief drizzle,

reds vanishing,

anger filled me,a valcano ready to explode,

Swish,Swash wont stop,now and then a clip ,clop,

a thousand pirates cleaning the brown wooden deck,stomping hard,

''What ...'',''HE is getting the blood cleared''...I wailed tightening my fists,

helplessly i saw the last drenches of red fade,

A strange fury,a maddening rage,me searching my pocket for something sharp,

failing, I clawed my fingers,pointing them to my sockets,

hesitating for a while,

and then..,

two dark eyes fell on the top of heap,

looking at me in an wild accusation and disbelief,

as I whispered,like a satisfied worker,sliding my bloody fingers into my pockets,

''What use are eyes''...

''WHEN THEY KILLED THE SUN''..........

Author's Note

I dont know what it is,perhaps some old fear,what if the sun dies and you get up to see nothing just infinite dark,please suggest any suitable title......try to hate it,i mean i would appreciate your pointing out mistakes,a lot,it helps,thank you,I want to thank all friends for suggesting the title...

Reviews

[ALifeAquatic]

It feels as if all that needs to be said has been before, the same way that everything recently written has been written before!

Having said that I will throw my two cence in, anywayz! This is such a dark, mesmirizing piece, I was hooked from first to last, like all those of have reviewed before me the last line is beyond brilliant!
I know my review isn't nor could it be as thoughtful as those that you leave me, but I find myself unable to say anything that could express the delight I felt reading this piece!

Brilliant

AHouseOfChambers

[FaytheFey]

That was really interesting, in my opinion.

[Art]

This is great work...to write with such emotion is to have that view of life deeper than thought...one can feel the intensity of each phrase and word...really liked this poem...

Art Sun...

[Jibey]

This is so surreal - a vivid nightmare that fascinates with its rich images and macabre subject... You have a wonderful imagination... and this piece captures a kind of inner fear...

Btw Have you been reading too many medical books and then eating too much cheese before you go to bed lol

[Ellen Hammond]

Wow! This is an amazing piece of freestyle or prose writing. Vivid imagery draws the reader right into the experience to feel the horror, and fear, and disbelief all rolled up into one. The ending explains the rest...walking on eyes etc.

There was one little typo I noticed in the 8th line:

"blood red roses STEWN in bride's dark hair," Did yo mean to type STREWN?

Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing. Using the last line as the title really gives emphasis to it. The title caught my attention and made me want to read this piece. A dark but brilliant write.

[Gary McDonald]

Wowza, this really shows the depth of your ability as a poet. Every line is breathtaking, entrancing in many ways. I will not dare to pick out a favourite line, the entire poem deserves to be kept as a whole and loved for it. Also, I cannot find a single fault, it is incredible as is.

[spence]

This has a rare brooding and ominous quality to it that is usually more reminiscient of, and prominent in, prose than poetry. This reads like a horror/mystery/suspense story and I found it ever so engaging.
I think the title fits perfectly and the story flows like a stream of terror as it enacts the madness that has befallen a dying world without hope of redemption.
I'm very impressed with this write Sahar and thanks for reviewing my work, appreciated- take care, spence

[Khaaki]

really good imaginative and brilliant... keep it up

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

This is sauch a dark, gory... yet very enjoyable, piece of writing. i see 2 meanings although i dont know why i see the second. it doesnt make compleat sense to me but at the same time it seems to fit... Am I making sense??? anyway nice work

[Bud]

The imagery is vivid. This really pulls the reader in to not only read, but to experience it, as well. Perhaps what inspired you to write this was your subconscious responding to what your eyes, and all eyes in the world, see happening in the world. What will happen if we choose not to change our course of actions. We are failing to see the writing on the wall. It is a known fact that history repeats itself. We are no different... Mankind will be the undoing of mankind. Not nature, as some predict. Nature has it's own course. It only reacts to our ignorance, and lack of understanding or caring for that matter. We care not about tomorrow, but only of today, right now. Hopefully the efforts of a few will be enough to propagate, and not negate a change in our ways. And hopefully it's not a little too little, a little too late... Writing is obviously your forte. If not, then you surely are Master of whatever your forte may be. Astonishing!