You should have asked, not assumed.

A Story by Aerie-faerie

Cleansing means sharing things you would not normally share. I suppose one of those things is my rape story.

I have been in a lot of relationships; some childish and some serious. When not in a relationship, I have been known to develop infatuations to strangers and I have been intimate with my fair share of people. “People fall for you a lot.” I suppose I used to be a charmer, a ‘people person’ whatever you want to call it. The point is, people liked me and I liked people.

People loved me and I loved being loved.

“Marriage material” was pinned to my persona. Stapled … hammered … drilled into my skin. I couldn’t be that girl, and I didn’t want to be that girl.

I had a simple desire to be wanted. But to him, it was a potential lifelong connection. Clarification of my needs wasn’t enough and he allowed himself to fall for me. I planned to use him for attention but I suppose it backfired. I explain to him: gently yet without missing any detail, why I can’t commit to him.

Fast forward three weeks for a moment " we exchange a few messages. He claimed to love me and that I hurt him by disappearing.

‘Yes I did just want affection initially and no I didn’t have any feelings for you. I assumed it was a casual thing on both sides and it went too far. Don’t contact me again.’

He responds “you should have asked, not assumed.”

Back up again. He tells me we can remain friends; he enjoys my company and tells me “you have a strong heart.” I am invited to his house and under the very clear premise that we are just friends I gladly accept. We are on the sofa and he kisses me. He knows where I stand so I assume this is a sex thing not a love thing - either way I don’t want to be anything more than his friend. We are kissing because it feels nice … I think … I don’t know why we are kissing. Honestly I’m just trying to watch Bear Grylls. He touches me and I explicitly say no.

“Why not?”

“I’m not in the mood.”

“I can change your mind”

“No, really.”

“I can persuade you.”

Now I’m uneasy. He kisses my neck, guides my hand to his dick. I move it away. He tries again. Again. Again, I can’t be bothered to go through this again so I touch him " briefly. Then I stop. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Okay sorry, kitchen?”

“Sure!”

See, I thought food and he thought rape.

He walks. I follow. He stops.

In a second he spins me, grabs my hips, bends me over, pulls my trousers down. “Wait, I-“

I make a to do list:

1) Revise when I get home

2) Paint my nails

3) Forget this situation

He picks me up, takes me to the sofa and throws me on my back. I am in pain. My to-do list was long gone and all I can think is how do I get out of this situation? You are clever and you are strong and you need to stop this now.

I am lucky. Lucky that my brain didn’t tap out at that moment, that my body rejected him with all of my might and that I had the courage to scream and kick him off of me.

“F**K! Did I hit your cervix?”

I stand.

“F**k. Yeah.”

Are you not aware this is rape? Are you so oblivious? What?

The next ten minutes consisted of him swearing at himself, stating how he hates the size of his dick.

I re-dressed. It was 4am and I could not go home until morning so we went to bed.

The next three hours consisted of me pretending to be in pain and him constantly getting on top of me asking if I was better yet. He barely accepted that I wasn’t.

He slept. I lay " then I left at 8 and deleted his number.

“Fast forward three weeks for a moment " we exchange a few messages. He claimed to love me and that I hurt him by disappearing.

‘Yes I did just want affection initially and no I didn’t have any feelings for you. I assumed it was a casual thing on both sides and it went too far " don’t contact me again.’

He responds “you should have asked, not assumed.”"

Hypocrite.

You should have asked, not assumed.