The Vampire

The Vampire,
Cloaked in darkness,
clad in velvet shadows.

The Vampire,
like a cold wind;
sending your spine tingling.

The Vampire,
like tear drop;
perfect and sad.

The Vampire,
like a tornado;
destructive and powerful.

The Vampire,
like an Angel;
delicacy only a mask.

Reviews

[Nikki]

Hey sweet cheecks ok its been awhile since i last or if i ever did comment on your work. so i decided to get my points... imean my kindness up a bit ^^ jkjk

Ok i did a quick look through and from what i see....this is about a vampire...^^ i know im a smart a*s, ok though seriously you may want to try and look for a different way to reword the begining. its a bit repetative and i know i have been guilty of doing so before but to get more indepth (my opionon only^^) you might want to look for stronger words.

The Vampire,
clad in black,
caped in darkness.

For instance with this stanza you could try,

"The Vampire,
Cloaked in darkness,
clad in velvet shadows."

i dont mean to rewrite what you put im just showing examples i hope i dont upset you ^^

The Vapmire,
like a cold wind;
sending your spine tingleing.

instead of "like a cold wind" you want to try and expand on that.
"Like that of a freezing hand
caressing, your spine "tingling" "

You spelt that last word wrong.. i know your probably dying of shock saying "how does she know how to spell!" well deary...i googled it ^^ me scho schmart duurrr

The Vampire,
like tear drop;
perfect and sad.

erm you might want to insert an 'a' after like other than that this is a beautiful line erm i mean stanza


The Vampire,
like a tornado;
destructive and powerful.

hmmm i really see nothing wrong with this either...beautiful job lovey

The Vampire,
like an Angel;
delecacy only a mask.

hmm you should do a poem on an Angel, it would compliment this one beautifully
So there ya go i hope you dont think i pushed myself onto you cause cause i would only do that when i steal you for my sex slave cause i love you...does anyone else see that line there? i must be really tired.
i say beautiful to much dont i...i need a new word. well love you lots.

Nikki