Is this love?

A Poem by Samantha

We all go through heart break, maybe we all felt this way sometime.

I’m feeling something I never felt before, rejection. It hurts so damn much I can’t handle it. I always knew I’m weak, maybe too weak for this. Not knowing the truth but having to assume if he cares or not. I feel so lost. Can’t talk to anyone about this. So painful. Why would he do this? If he doesn’t care at all. why me, what did I do to deserve this. Why does it hurt this much, I can’t breathe. It’s like there is a big stone stuck inside my chest. So heavy. So f*****g painful. What do I do? Where do I go? Why is this so hard. Does he not care at all? Why am I so angry? What did I expect? Who do I listen to? Who do I trust? Is it really as heart breaking as I’m feeling?
It doesn’t make sense at all. What is he thinking? Why is he doing this? Why help me if he really doesn’t care that much? Why try to make me hate u? you knew it was my birthday, yet u said nth. Why? Do u really dislike me this much or are u trying to help me? I just want to know wtf are you thinking. ‘’Save your advice because I won’t hear, you might be right, but I don’t care.’’
I’m feeling nothing. I feel so empty, so numb. Like I’m no one, nothing. Nobody. What is this feeling? Its new. Something my body isn’t used to. My tears stopped coming out for some reason. I’m in so much pain yet I feel NOTHING. You said this isn’t important, you said I should be okay with this. It’s not a big deal. Then why am I hurting so much right now huh? You said love is a decision, ‘’you should be able to control it’’. You never fell for anyone have u? stone cold. You have your priorities and goals so straight and ahead of you yet there’s me crying over you till my tears dry out.
I feel like I’m seasick. Spinning around driving myself insane. Do you really have everything figured out? Do you really have that perfect attitude to everything in your life? Feeling nth? Whenever I see you my heart starts racing like we never talked before. Like we don’t know each other. Yet I stand there crying looking at you while you are laughing with your friends. Clueless. Is this how the universe works? We hurt each other and tear each other apart? For what? My heart is on fire. I feel like I’m about to explode. So f*****g angry. No tears are coming out anymore. Just shaking writing this. for what? For who? What am I even doing? I wish you would realize how much you affect me. I hate needing you. Needing an answer, waiting. For you to even realize I’m waiting right here, for you.
We bury our emotion and pretend that we are just fine. Are you really this composed? Perfectly put together? Nothing can shake YOU? No weaknesses? What even are you. So f*****g cold.
It hurts. My heart is breaking with every breath I take. Every blink I blink. With every letter I press on the keyboard. Do you think about me? At all? What am I to u? nth? No one? How. How are u so okay with this while I’m shattering to pieces? Am I chasing you or a lie that I built in my head? I want to yell at you and let it all out till I can’t speak anymore, till I can’t stand on my feet anymore.