The Queen

A cursed hand reaches out to me
knowing what I need.
His power knows no bounds
and my power is just starting.
He creeps up beside me,
covered in a dragon's hide.
A deal is what I need
Words that will tie me
and give me magic.
He shows me a contract,
Written on golden brown paper
It looks ready to fall apart.
I readily sign it
with a flourish of my hand.
He maniacally giggles
as if knowing some secret.
and my spine shivers with it
Could this possibly end in failure.
But the deal is done
i belong to him.
This cursed little imp
with sharpened claws,
skin that glistens gold with gray,
has given me what I need.
One day he will call upon
and use me.
But for now
I'm pleased in knowing
Magic has come to me
in it's dark blanket.

Author's Note

please tell me what you think

Reviews

[ElizabethRaine]

I really like this. It's got a dark twist on it and seems to tell a story, well done.

[Lyana]

Okay, one last nitpick, and I'm done. I think you should just say "and my spine shivers with it" instead of back bone, but that's just me. It's so lovely!

[Lyana]

Better. I like the changes that you added here. However, more details on Rumpel's appearance and just a bit more characterization of the Queen, and I think it will be good.

[Lyana]

Well, first, "manically" should be spelled "maniacally." And, with this poem, I feel that more imagery and metaphor is needed. Describe the contract, the hand, the imp more. Also, I feel that the speaker could be anyone, but, from the title, it's the Queen. Did you mean it that way? To make it seem like anyone? If you didn't, I'd suggest using certain phrases or manners of speech to make it more personal to her. These are her innermost thoughts, remember. Therefore, there is a danger in making it too narrative.