Hazards of the Road

Funny Problem/Solution about cars.

Look out! Too late, cover your ears to block out the sounds of protesting metal and screeching rubber that the Jeep and Lexus are causing. Do we know what happened? Of course we do! It happens all the time, unfortunately. Though not always with the same results. We all know the type: the driver that's in such a rush to get to his or her destination that they ignore the rules of courtesy we all have to follow whilst on the road? Oh, excuse me, they merely bend the rules and don't do anything illegal, my mistake. Yes, I am talking about all those irresponsible people that are allowed to still be on the road even when it has been confirmed they are a hazard to those around their vehicles, and to themselves, as well. What can we, the safe drivers and pedestrians who make use of public roads, do about them? I'll spell it out, shall I?

For example, let's take a look at the person that is driving above the speed limit, shall we? Yes, we all know that they are so terribly late those fifteen or so miles above the speed limit they're going will save them a few seconds. Now they're weaving through traffic! They switch lanes without any warning whatsoever, and there's not even a little blinking light to warn us that they're even planning to switch lanes! Isn't that nice? We will have to ignore the other drivers that this person is basically harassing: the person they are driving behind, and those on either side of their vehicle, they seem to enjoy putting everyone's safety on the line. Why? Because they were most likely too lazy to leave their place a few minutes earlier so as to arrive on time at their destination. In one piece. But what can we do about them? Absolutely nothing, I'm afraid. We can rage and scream at them while we sit in our own vehicle, but alas, they shall never know it. Oh, the joys of planning sweet, sweet revenge. Unless they are seen and caught by a police officer, of course. Then, they're just plumb out of luck, since they will earn themselves a big, fat ticket for their troubles. Now they're even later in reaching their destination, so ha! Bugger for them.

Another scenario: a driver is placidly driving down the road and arrives at a four-way stoplight, nothing new there. What have we got here? Look, the light is turning green and it's his turn to go; but wait! See that Explorer that's turning left? Yeah, that one across the intersection. They're turning left while our driver needs to turn right. There should be no problem right? Wrong! This birdbrained person is turning into their outside lane! Which just so happens to be the lane that our driver is turning into; at the very, exact same time! So what does our driver have to do? Slam his brakes so he doesn't end up splattered on the inside of his windshield, of course. And now he's left fuming and waiting for his heart to stop its fluttering inside his chest. And that Explorer is merrily driving away down the street, blissfully unaware of the fact that our driver was about five inches away from getting severe whiplash, or maybe losing his life. Maybe he could have lost the front end of his beloved Jetta, at the very least. The driver of the Explorer has performed an epic FAIL; why? Because we do not turn into the outside lane, ever. It's just wrong, and more dangerous than driving faster than the speed limit; everyone knows that, right? Right.

What other scenario can we exploit? Oh yes, the pedestrians. Pedestrians are the most unsafe users of roads, as we all very well know. No, not because they might get sprayed with mud and other unmentionables; but because our rushing drivers have no patience to be courteous and allow our dear pedestrian the right of way. Which is right and proper. See those kids over there? Yeah, they need to get across the street, but it looks like nobody wants to stop for them! Yes, there is a stop sign a block away, but those inconsiderate kids insist on using the pedestrian crosswalks! Blasphemy! Nobody will stop for them, of course, they have to wait for a lull in the traffic to get across as fast as they can. Why? Because those clunky, shiny cars are demons that eat everyone's money with their gas usage, that's why. Oh, and all the people that don't want to stop for pedestrians are more important than anyone else who might want to use the road. What can our pedestrians do? Besides waiting for that lull I mentioned earlier? Not much, I'm afraid. I am sure, however, that it would be rather amusing to see a pedestrian on the road giving a self-important driver the one-fingered salute, double-time. It would make for great giggle material.

All in all, there is a limited list of things of what good drivers and pedestrians can do about the menaces that prowl the roads night and day. No matter how many protests nor how many patrolling cop cars are out on those very same streets, there will always be those that manage to slip under the radar. We may not be able to do anything physically, but we can always make their heads explode and/or maim them in some way within the safety of our heads, right? At least that's what Muffins, my pet bazooka, says to me every time I have the urge to yell profanities at some person that just won't let me cross the street peacefully. There we have it, the hazards of the road, and what we wish we could, but cannot, do about them.

Author's Note

I wrote this for my English Composition class, I didn't like it very much but I thought I'd share. Comments? Suggestions?