THE 7 Minute Journey between life and after life

The 7 minute bridge between.
LIFE AND AFTER LIFE.
THROUGH his eyes all that reflected was happiness of a family.. A boy after so many years of marriage. *That spark of happiness in his father's eyes*was worth a watch a million times. Curtains of Smile hid the excruciating pain a mother encountered while giving birth to scientifically a copy of their DNA But emotionally the world of their aspirations and half achieved dreams of their lives. He fell but kept trying Until *HE WAS WALKING and what followed was that smile of conquering the fear of falling* This smile was loud enough to surpass the frequency of any verbal words that could leave a mark on anyones heart.
It was Class 4 got rejected by the teacher in auditions of a dance performance in the school's annual function it was the 1st rejection of his life disheartened is the word that describes this feeling the best but his parents welcoming Eyes vanished it all and the next year that plastic trophy of participation was his victory over rejection. Soon he was a young boy LOVE HAPPEND collywoobles followed this illusion was the most beautifull one ever soon came the harsh reality of a heartbreak. Hopes shattered. Helplessness prevailed but time helped him conquer something that seemed impossible at first and his smile was a proof that he was out of the misery and was happy again. Soon he was a graduate at the convocation all he was thinking was the mischieves he had done in the 3 years how much he is going to miss it all and all he could notice was those eyes of his mother full of pride looking at her graduated son now a gentleman. It was the goa trip that he never wanted to end marked the end of his bachelorette . The next thing he knew he had a beautifully raised angel to hold him for life to laugh it off together to cry it out together.
Beep........ "we are sorry!!" The doctors said we couldnt save his life the ups and downs in that monitor went straight and silent.First time life showed it self straight ironically there was no life left..

Ended abruptly right? Who said death gives u a notice? It has and would always be uncertain. There's a saying that all of your life's beautifull moments flash before your eyes in a span of seven minutes. The above were his seven minutes i did not mention job money or anything monetary but did your mind miss anything monetary here? If the answer is no..
THEN understand life is way more than those monetary incentives live it for those 7 minutes make them WORTH IT..

© 2017 Satpreet singh sandhu

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JayG

• THROUGH his eyes all that reflected was happiness of a family..

This is you talking to the reader. But can they hear you? Can they hear the emotion in your voice—the emotion you hear each time you read or edit? No. Our medium carries no trace of emotion other than what’s inherent to the wording and punctuation. And that emotion is what’s suggested to the reader by your words, based-on-their-background, not yours. And of course, any intention as to how the reader is to perceive the words doesn’t make it to the page.

So look at this line as a reader will: “His eyes? “He,” could be a dying man, a newborn, or anything between—as we read—so no picture can be created in the mind. You know. The family knows. But does the one you created this for know? Unfortunately, they only know what the words suggest to them. And we cannot say to read on, because a confused or bored reader will stop at the line that causes the problem. Remember, they have no assurance that you WILL clarify.

Next: What’s “a family?” Given we know nothing about how many constitute this one, his relationship to them, or even if you mean HIS family, how can the words mean the same to the reader as they mean to you, who begins reading with both context and intent filling in the blanks. As we read this we don’t know who the focus character is. And given that this person isn’t important enough to have a name, the reader will assume he’s not.

And that’s my point. You’re letting intent guide you, and get in the way. You need to edit as-a-reader, not the writer. When editing you must view the writing through the eyes of someone who knows nothing but what the words to a given point have told them. You need to keep in mind that the reader can’t hear your voice or see the performance as you illustrate the emotion with gesture and expression. That makes it a lot harder, of course, but do we have a choice? Have your computer read this piece aloud to hear what a reader gets.

I looked at this as a motivational essay, rather then fiction, and as that I think you’re trying to cover too much in too few words. So few, in fact, that they provide no context, and so mean little to the reader. In writing, it’s better to dwell on an ant at a picnic, if that ant embodies the thought you’re trying to express, than to talk in general terms, no matter how beautiful, about the picnic grove.

Because you’re focused on generalities, you mention the child at the start, but then spend time talking about the father’s joy and the mother’s birthing, which is part of their stories, not his. So the words are irrelevant to his life, and the seven-minute review. You talk about him being a clone. Again, irrelevant to HIS life experience.

That samew word-space could have been used for more relevant things—things that matter to him enough to experience in that “watch your life flash by,” episode before death.

I see the point you’re trying to make, and it’s a good one. But unless you involve the reader, emotionally, presenting a few incidents from someone’s life, in condensed overview fashion informs the reader, yes. But will they be made to care about the person or just say, “uh-huh…so what?” After all, if you can condense all the important events in someone’s life to 444 words—less than two pages—it can’t be a memorable life. So perhaps it’s better to focus on life, and what matters, as against “A” life.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

Posted 7 Years Ago

• THROUGH his eyes all that reflected was happiness of a family..

This is you talking to the reader. But can they hear you? Can they hear the emotion in your voice—the emotion you hear each time you read or edit? No. Our medium carries no trace of emotion other than what’s inherent to the wording and punctuation. And that emotion is what’s suggested to the reader by your words, based-on-their-background, not yours. And of course, any intention as to how the reader is to perceive the words doesn’t make it to the page.

So look at this line as a reader will: “His eyes? “He,” could be a dying man, a newborn, or anything between—as we read—so no picture can be created in the mind. You know. The family knows. But does the one you created this for know? Unfortunately, they only know what the words suggest to them. And we cannot say to read on, because a confused or bored reader will stop at the line that causes the problem. Remember, they have no assurance that you WILL clarify.

Next: What’s “a family?” Given we know nothing about how many constitute this one, his relationship to them, or even if you mean HIS family, how can the words mean the same to the reader as they mean to you, who begins reading with both context and intent filling in the blanks. As we read this we don’t know who the focus character is. And given that this person isn’t important enough to have a name, the reader will assume he’s not.

And that’s my point. You’re letting intent guide you, and get in the way. You need to edit as-a-reader, not the writer. When editing you must view the writing through the eyes of someone who knows nothing but what the words to a given point have told them. You need to keep in mind that the reader can’t hear your voice or see the performance as you illustrate the emotion with gesture and expression. That makes it a lot harder, of course, but do we have a choice? Have your computer read this piece aloud to hear what a reader gets.

I looked at this as a motivational essay, rather then fiction, and as that I think you’re trying to cover too much in too few words. So few, in fact, that they provide no context, and so mean little to the reader. In writing, it’s better to dwell on an ant at a picnic, if that ant embodies the thought you’re trying to express, than to talk in general terms, no matter how beautiful, about the picnic grove.

Because you’re focused on generalities, you mention the child at the start, but then spend time talking about the father’s joy and the mother’s birthing, which is part of their stories, not his. So the words are irrelevant to his life, and the seven-minute review. You talk about him being a clone. Again, irrelevant to HIS life experience.

That samew word-space could have been used for more relevant things—things that matter to him enough to experience in that “watch your life flash by,” episode before death.

I see the point you’re trying to make, and it’s a good one. But unless you involve the reader, emotionally, presenting a few incidents from someone’s life, in condensed overview fashion informs the reader, yes. But will they be made to care about the person or just say, “uh-huh…so what?” After all, if you can condense all the important events in someone’s life to 444 words—less than two pages—it can’t be a memorable life. So perhaps it’s better to focus on life, and what matters, as against “A” life.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

Rating /100

JessyJacob

Really liked how you explained. But have multiple things, Trianlge stories always end with one lonely, if somebody want to poke that making other to be lonely, even though there is no Traingle, but only two points, already merged into one.

Question is back again, is it worth now?

Posted 7 Years Ago

Sachchit Sharma

Interesting subject, Well concluded, and very well written.
Just one minor comment from my inexperienced view point that it took some time to understand the context.