Cliff

Cliff

A Poem by VannahBanana

At the edge of the cliff-

The spot they claimed-

They met at day break

With hearts untamed.

 

The wind was fierce

But their love so strong.

Afterwards, hard to imagine

What'd become so wrong.

 

She was told to hang on...

He promised to be back.

So the days that passed,

She took track.

 

At the edge of the cliff,

She kept on waiting:

Kept waiting on the guy

She was once dating.

 

The wind was fierce,

But her love was strong,

Not ready to admit

What she'd done wrong.

 

She waits and she waits

For the thing she now hates.

Heart broken for love,

Holding to the place above.

 

Passing a mirror

She's unrecognizable.

She never knew

He was so despicable

 

Her memory and thoughts

Become so blunt.

Out of a litter,

She feels she's the runt.

 

The littler was special.

But she was the black sheep.

The ugly duckling

That fell in too deep.

 

At the edge of the cliff,

She returned a day to waste.

Envy and remorse:

The flavors she would taste.

 

The wind was fierce

And her love long gone.

Just a step to take

But she played it strong.

 

In a year's time

She sees him with a girl.

Not just a girl.

But that one shiny pearl.

 

The one people love,

The one they admire.

The one no one hates.

The beam that inspires.

 

At the cliff,

On the edge,

She says "Hello"

to the ledge.

 

The wind is fierce

And the strong is gone.

She fell to the ground

Where it all went wrong.

© 2012 VannahBanana


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Featured Review

Truth be told, the poem started out wonderfully. Unfortunately, it lost its flow halfway through. You started out with a wonderful way of rhyming, but, for some reason, you started playing around with the writing scheme. I don't mean to be harsh (only helpful), but the skewed rhyming scheme really ruined the poem for me. I think you should revise a few parts, which I will point out.

This didn't make sense.
"Passing a mirror
She's unrecognizable.
She never knew
He was so despicable."

You threw me off from the rhyming scheme here:
"She waits and she waits
For the thing she now hates.
Heart broken for love,
Holding to the place above."

As a side note, I DID finish reading this. I think if you tweaked these two stanzas, you would be set.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

parables for an age... true BUT - always a but when its gray in a black and white world... few thngs are as simple as they seem. This one has good thought, valid and understandable...but the rhythm stumbles a little here and there. Poetry is an audible art... and a pace is a good thing.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Love long gone. Can almost picture the girl in this ageing as the story unfolds. Excellent narrative to this.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Truth be told, the poem started out wonderfully. Unfortunately, it lost its flow halfway through. You started out with a wonderful way of rhyming, but, for some reason, you started playing around with the writing scheme. I don't mean to be harsh (only helpful), but the skewed rhyming scheme really ruined the poem for me. I think you should revise a few parts, which I will point out.

This didn't make sense.
"Passing a mirror
She's unrecognizable.
She never knew
He was so despicable."

You threw me off from the rhyming scheme here:
"She waits and she waits
For the thing she now hates.
Heart broken for love,
Holding to the place above."

As a side note, I DID finish reading this. I think if you tweaked these two stanzas, you would be set.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

What'd became so wrong. -- It'd flow better if you put 'become' instead of 'became'. Just a suggestion.
What'd she done wrong. -- Would also help the flow if you put 'What she'd done wrong' instead of 'what'd she'. Another suggestion. :P
He was so dispisable -- despisable** ((Even though the word doesn't really exist... The word that it should be is despicable, but I don't think its a big thing to worry about.))

Very thought provoking. I liked this one very much, it was clear and strong. Especially the last part:

The wind is fierce
And the strong is gone.
She fell to the ground
Where it all went wrong

That part was amazing. I liked your use of repetition as well. Used correctly it can be a great instrument in poetry. Just remember that it can also be a double-edged sword, so be careful of how you use it, though you used it well here. Congratulations on a job well done. Knew you could pull it off. :P


Posted 8 Years Ago


This is so amazing, so tought provoking. Yet very emotional, I love this well done.

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on March 18, 2012
Last Updated on March 18, 2012

Author

VannahBanana
VannahBanana

AR



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Hey. I'm Vannah. I suppose it'd be a bit redundant to say I like reading and writing, but I'll put it on here anyway. I also like making new friends. (: I'm fifteen years old, but I've got a lot of.. more..

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