Survival of The Fickle

CV Poem, Chronicles of A Life Lived

 

Survival of The Fickle

            By Jessica Gleason

 

            Around 2006 we run into my old boyfriend

in a theater lobby.

                                he’s smoking a cigarette and

has grown a beard. Surprised

                                to see me, he shakes my hand

and tells me he’s in the play. He

                                asks how I’ve been. I want to kick myself because

he’s all grown

                                up and gorgeous.

I open my mouth to respond.

He is walking

                                out the doors. Gone.

I forget what I was talking about.

 

                Around 1983 my mother tells her mother she’s pregnant. Suffering,

silently hoping this will “change” everything.

I don’t like this story.

 

                Around 2002 I leave home to move away to college.

Dad comes to help,

the first time we’ve spoken

in six years. He cries. 

Asks if I’m okay. Hands me

a hundred dollars and takes off.

I stop talking to mom.

 

                Around 1995 my grandmother dies. Parents get divorced and I

                                move to a different state.

Convinced my life is ruined until

                                mom sends me to Catholic school.

Then, I know it’s ruined.

                                                I stop believing in god.

 

                Around 2006 my 71-year-old grandfather goes missing.

Old men don’t just

                                Dissapear,

I guess I’m wrong. Friends pray for my loss.

                                                I still don’t believe in god.

 

                Around 1991 I discover my love for Nintendo.

After a few months,

                                I discover mom’s love

for Nintendo. She throws things

                                At the TV and screams obscenities.

                                                I decide mom is cool.

               

                Around 1993 my dad and I sing together when he returns from long trips

                                On the road. I have an affinity for the Chicago Bulls

and trampoline horses. Desperately.

I seek dad’s approval.

                                                He goes on the road.

               

                Around 1998 I graduate from middle school.

I tell my mother I support

                                Abortion. She cries. I tell my mother

I don’t want

                                to have children.

                                                She cries.

 

                Around 2005 I tell my mother I support Abortion.

She cries. I tell my mother

                                I still don’t want

to have children.

                                                She cries.

 

                Around 2006 I find out about my father’s secret family.

Older sister, Younger brother.

Dad never really went on the road... just went

                                to his other home.

I hate him.

                                                I cry.

 

                Around 2000 I have my first date.

With a tall gangly fellow named Bob. He has

                                clammy hands and very large glasses.

I don’t want to go. Mom says

                                I have to.

Don’t want to hurt his feelings.

After the date we never speak again.

                                He stalks me.

                                                I should have stayed home.

 

                Around 2003 I leave the dorms to move in with Dave and Acup.

My family disapproves

of male roommates.

I fall in love with Acup.

Lose my virginity and my heart

gets broken.

                I move back in with mom.

 

                Around 2005 I meet Blayne.

Skinny and attractive and living in the ghetto.

I fall in love again.

Do some good and take him out of a bad place.

                                                We both move in with mom.

                               

                Around 2006 mom contemplates dying her graying hair

for the first time and frets

                                About her weight.

A midlife crisis, perhaps?

                                                I think she is perfect. As is.