Helixed Horizons

This is my first poem*, I just wrote it today. *I mean my first poem I've put on the internet, haha

Sometimes I wonder

What if

These games I play

What if

They're the real world,

And this world,

This world is just a game.

So, Brad,

When you make fun of me,

In front of the whole math class,

For drawing my WoW Dark Forsaken in the back of my book,

Really it's you who is stupid,

Because you don't have a character,

So in the real world,

You're just a fictional d****e.

Reviews

[RM Americano]

I like the irony. It made me laugh. It ended with a strong counter punch and that's what poems need.

The only thing though is the language of the last line. It's very spiteful and that makes it sound strained and loses effect. It should sound hard and fast, like it was nothing, just business as usual.

I'd suggest shortening it from "You're just a fictional d****e." to "You're only an NPC"

[Bland Boy]

HI I'm new on here as well, I really like this poem because it represents how I feel really well. People get on my back at school as well they're all like 'hey why dont you go cry to mum' and then im like 'mums dead' and theyr all 'we know thats the joke' and then i feel sad and go eat like 12 peanut butter sandwiches in a row anyway Bro what I'm trying to say is that I really though this was meaningful so good job