Killer's Game

Prologue

 

 

                        The door had barely slammed shut behind them when he pinned her to a wall. "When are you going to stop acting like a spoiled little brat and finally grow up?"  Her eyes were slits as she snarled back. "Grow up?! Are you serious? We have a job to! I didn’t become a detective to dick around, twiddling my f****n thumb,”

 

His face inches from her, and not in a good way, he shook his head in disgust. "You're gonna get yourself killed all because you’re hardheaded- nothing pierces that thick f*****g skull of yours except the sound of your own voice! We are a team! Keyword TEAM!"

 

Giving him a vicious jab to the shoulder she shot him a dark look, her voice dripping with venom as they stood outside the conference room.

"I refuse to listen to some stuffy FBI agent.  I'll nab this guy on my own terms. He's mine. End of discussion."

 

 

“He’s not yours Georgie, and you're out of your mind if you think I'm going to just let you go after him by yourself."

 

“I can handle myself Dre, I'm not a baby." He gripped her arm tightly, swinging her back to face him as she ducked under his arm.

 

“This guy is PLAYING with you! He's treating you like a board game-" "I hope its monopoly, I always win.” He shook her roughly. "I'm not joking around with you, Damn it Georgie Listen to me! You can't go after him, he's dangerous!"

 

 

“Why do you always ruin my fun?"

 

 

"You call ducking and dodging a psychotic serial killer fun?" The feral look on her face was enough to make him loosen his hold on her and for her to snatch her arm free.

 

 

“G listen to me! Please don’t do anything stupid,”

 

 

Her eyes were cold as she stared at him, quietly she said, with a shake of her head.

 

 

"I don't care what you or anyone else thinks. I don’t care if I lose my badge over this. This guy is mine. He's crossed the line," she said darkly, her eyes dilating with rage.

 

 

 

 

"He's going to pay. That b*****d's gonna wish he’s never even heard the name De Luca.”

Reviews

[Kegs]

This is an awesome start! You give enough away to the reader to understand the seriousness of what's going on without being too "telling" and giving all the facts away immediately.

One thing I might suggest (and this is just me being SUPER picky) is adding just a little bit more detail. It is probably a personal preference, but I want to know what the scene (the FBI office) looks like, what the FBI office sounds like, and even smells like. I'm also curious to know what each character is thinking.

Keep it up! I'd love to read more!

[ShaiD]

ooohh great idea! The cogs in my head are already churning honey bunny!

[louwilding]

hope you will be writing more of this I'd like to see where it goes, nice and passionate, and i do like a strong female lead :)

[ShaiD]

I have about fifteen chapters, I didn't want to put them up and not have anyone read them, its happened in the past and I just wanted to give you guys a little taste.

[Kelsey Schadt]

Engaging intro! I want to read more! I am not 100% sold on the idea of one FBI agent pinning the other to a wall to have this conversation. Sounds to unprofessional, and not like something one would do while at the office. Perhaps a different verb to start would be more effective.
"
"You call ducking and dodging a psychotic serial killer fun?" The feral look on her face was enough to make him loosen his hold on her and for her to snatch her arm free. I love this imagery here, the reader can really get an idea about the intensity Georgie possesses.

The dialogue sets the tone and tension and I think is what engages the reader from the start.

I'd like to read more to see what type of trouble the killer, and Georgie's resolve to get him causes!

[ShaiD]

It wasn't an FBI agent, sorry for making it seem that way, it was her partner Yaundre. And I would be more than happy to put up some more chapters. I really need help creating an ending, I cannot seem to think of anything believable.

[Kelsey Schadt]

Oh my mistake! Put up some more chapters! and I'll try to help!