I 'm my mirror

Ohh wow!!...What a beautiful sensuous lady you are. Big expressive eyes lined well with a smudgefree kajal and a liner and above all a desirable figure , well designed for all designs.

This is what the world sees and appreciates in you and the topping to all is the glamorous  job with a handsome salary.

But who knows the truth behind the ever smiling face which looks arrogant yet confident. Its  easy to actually 'be' but toughest to portray. But still I'm doing it really well.

Here I am with my life and a series of monologues , not to get sympathy or to be applauded but basically to just say....Noone can walk in anyone's shoes ,so never be judgemental.

I started as a teenage girl having academics as her best tool and convented background as her best attire. I was always full of enthusiasm to achieve and walk all walks, struggles and achievements with full conviction.
There was nothing as no....And that took me miles in my career.

Then came a time when life was to be shared with the so-called soulmate...N I like all girls started the new innings of my life with commitment n positivity. I was actually flowing with the flow with him , romance was in the air, I was made to feel like a princess of his life but ..It was all a scene of the start....When it started fading, colours didn't take time to blend one and only option left was black n white ....Which we all know can be dragged but not enjoyed.

Amidst black n white life , ofcourse not because of monetary issues, as we both were working and were earning a pretty good amount which anyone could actually aspire oneself and inspire others to earn, came in my son.

Motherhood was all together a different new experience for me. Right from pregnancy till the labor and finally his birth I literally lived alone.

He was not available for me emotionally or mentally  inspite of being physically a co-companion of not only life but also the house. You must be thinking of the reason but intoxication has no reasons and explanations. Addictions never harm the addict but the immediate relationship is the most affected . Till then it was just me, his wife and ofcourse a would be mother of his child.
I used to feel, suffocating in that smell but I had no choice as my heart was open to give the only choice of trusting him n life ...that one day things would change. A husband may be, is not holding himself accountable but a father would definitely understand the accountability.

Thinking this n giving myself and this life successive chances everytime, 9 months passed by n each month I noticed a life living a little more in me.
I noticed the easiness given by the uneasing movements in my belly, the smile on my face on seing the extra protuded  part of my belly skin when my baby used to kick me..N the list goes on..

One day, when I actually felt the knock of the d-day... I told him, "don't drink today. May be I will have to be taken to the doctor". On this , the reply was even more strange...."Pour some water on me if I don't wake up".

I was alarmed hearing this. Was he my soulmate??... I questioned myself but didn't get any convincing answer....N to be honest I didn't even had time to re-introspect.

Moving on further, I became too busy nurturing my motherhood. Seing ones part growing big n fulfilled is a feeling that can't be expressed in words. He was making all wrongs....Right, and taking me further with fighter's spirit .

Days, months and years passed by , I tried to my extent to keep my baby away from his father's reality but age gives experience without a teacher and an information without struggle . He is now in 10th standard, ready to appear for his first board examinations. He was excited to get started but life always has something unexpected in store for us.

That night he came late,  drunk and as expected in senses of his senselessness.
He came and I still don't understand what frustration he took out that day. I just said,.."U r again drunk today?"..
And he started abusing me and slapped me. I was ....like ..Have no words to express my pain. He then pushed me and continued abusing me. I tried to stop him by saying .."lower your volume , he will listen...".On this he started shouting even more.

By then , it was too late to hide a father from his son. He came in and pushed him out...And shouted, "we will now not live with you." And he banged the door on his face.

He was shocked by his son's reaction.

Next morning, we woke up. I got ready for daily kitchen affairs and he for his school. Suddenly he came to me and said, " no need to cook anything for him.
What do u lack, he cannot behave like this with you and you should not accept anything disrespectful from him".

He was quietly sitting, had a smirk on his face. He knew that a lady who had tolerated this domesticated trap for 20 years will never dare take any such step.

I also did not react as I was not sure about what I wanted but somewhere back in my heart, I was feeling secured, a security that a women gets by the presence of man , as father brother husband or son. My sense of pride n security was none other than the part of myself.

I got ready, and was going to office when he called , " where is my lunch?"
Now it was my turn to have a grin on my face. "U arrange, I will now never cook for you. I will noomore live with you. Arrange for your accommodation as you cannot live over here".

He was stunned, how could she speak like this. But by the time his mind reacted, I was out for my office, little bit upset but with convincing conviction to overcome all odds and to lead a meaningful life with my only asset.

He.... liberated me and drove me towards my insightful sky.

Author's Note

My wordplay is an effort to knock your n touch your soul...
I'm a learner oven to fair criticism...