Help Me Tonight

 

 

Hello there
 your my friend tonight aint cha?
Already taken some shots of you
Feeling my spirits heighten
memory puzzled a little like old age
Nice flame burning in my stomach
but my heart still squeezes
I thought you help with drowning
pain and sorrow
That's what I've heard
Why aint you helping me?
Please help me
I don't want to feel pain anymore
Please help me..
Jack Daniels..
please..help me..

 

Reviews

[Patrick Gerlits]

"Nice flame burning in my stomach." This line told me immediately what you were writing about ;).

Though the poem seemed a teeny dark to me, (just me) I liked this alot. Short and easy to comprehend. I think everyone's been in the area of depression you're writing about here. Very original I think.

[Richard Longbow]

Wow, this is pretty well done. I'm not sure whether it supports or condemns alcoholism, or even if it makes any statement at all about it, but well-done nonetheless.

[Manyfacets]

I must say this is an amusing little piece of of work. It's a great way to show a friend how much you care even if that someone is Jack Daniels...He lets everybody down being stuck in a bottle and all..Ha!. All kidding aside it's a cute, clever little write. Smiles to you M.

[Dittobug]

I really liked it! The beginning was rather clever. I'd rate this 100 percent! :)

[LittleMadGirl]

I like the begining! I really do, it's a nice and clever way to introduce the reader to the storyline, wich is not a an easy issue. But in the end you slack off. There's something missing. I wouldn't say it's the feeling you get the next day, I think is's the pain. You mention it, but I can't feel it. Or maybe I'm an unemotional chump ;-)
Good work at least!

[Sands]

it never helps, for long at least. where is the rest of it? to me it seems like it's missing the surging emtions that come back the next day and make you want to do it all again just to get your few hours of peace....

[Lilly]

Clever writing

[Eagle Cruagh]

You may be asking the wrong guy for help.

Jack has caused his share of pain .

Nice poem. Has all the prime ingredients.

Rated---- 100 %

---- Eagle Cruagh

[Bare trees]

Very clever, Didn't know what you were revering to in the beginning but then it made sense. How many people have I seen that could have said that many nights. LOL All kidding aside, This has a real good poem sense about it and also a feeling of sorrow and despair in it that I'm positive, many people can relate to. Good job on this one Shelby

[Johnny Monroe]

I like this one ALOT!!