For You

A poem I wrote for my Auntie Alison who died 2004. I love you.

 

For You

 

If I could capture broken hearts,

I’d collect them all for you,

And I would put them in a jar

And make them all anew,

I’d hand them out to the weak,

I’d give them to the poor,

I’d craft them for the gentle meek,

So they’d hold back no more

 

If I could rid the world of pain,

I’d do it just for you,

I’d drive it back to whence it came,

And it’s makers they would rue,

I’d sweep them from your heavenly path,

I’d shun you from their night,

And with my love they’d feel my wrath,

And I’d make things alright

 

If I could bring you back again,

Then God knows I only would,

And I would change the sands of time,

So I stood where you stood,

I’d take your place within a second,

If the Lord would let me try,

I’d bargain with my gracious God,

And for you I’d gladly die

Author's Note

It's not perfect but I'm rather proud of it.

Reviews

[Jeberle]

This is a great piece. The progression from broken hearts to pain to death was very natural. You spent just the right amount of time on each one, exploring them before moving on. The lines where you mention putting broken hearts in jars and crafting them are incredible images. You might consider throwing similar images into the second and third stanzas so that the reader can see these concepts.

Good job and keep up the great work!

[Yaooooooo]

Very nice...

Sorry I haven't been on this site in a while and I don't plan on spending much time on it either.
A few suggestions for the poem;

I'd hand them out to the weak, (I'd hand them to the weak)
I think it would rhyme better with the line bellow, cause they both have six parts per sentence...
I'd give them to the poor,

I'd craft them for the meek,
So they'd hold back no more

(Same with the above)..

And I'd make things alright (And I'd make all things right).

If you like the suggestions than go with them,
otherwise is a good poem regardless...

One!

[Aileen]

vrry, nice. i love it. srry it took me awhile 2 get back. but keap up the great work. n ushould be vrry proud of it.
luv ya
Aileen

[Barry S. Maltese]

It has an interesting rhyme scheme, and a very loving message. I enjoyed following the poem as you described the depth of what you would do for your true love. Nicely written!

[Just Manoosh]

Honey, SO YOU SHOULD BE PROUD.

Its is truely lovely, it tinkles along like a nursery rhyme.

The first verse is surprisingly lovely, and hooks you in so very sweetly.

Mx

[AK]

She likely thinks it IS perfect, and that's what counts!
Losing loved ones is such a hard part of life. But when one realizes we still have the hope of seeing them again in a much safer and happier place it makes the whole process a little easier to bear.
Nicely done young lady! Thank you for sharing.

[Jenny Ge]

I love it! It gives me one of those tingly feelings. You know, the ones you get when you read something poignant.