Consumed

Consumed

A Poem by Siddartha Beth Pierce

I sip lightly

upon your breath

as you near my lips

which quiver

in anticipation

yet I do not want

to partake in the

wine of your soul

as it is likely

to consume me

whole.

© 2013 Siddartha Beth Pierce


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Featured Review

The comparison of breath with wine and wine with breath i've seen here in this lovely poem. What a great concept to relate with real life you've demonstrated. Like we take a sip of a chill wine and it gives nothing but provides some relaxation of body as same let me take a one sip of the breath to feel the coldness of beauty of life... to feel the taste of the wine in the suite of soul... that's all you've defined i got. I really enjoyed this piece. It's so nicely penned. It's i think very tough to write into few words such a nice piece but you've done a great job admittedly. I appreciate this piece. Brillaint work once again.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Eleven lines of written word that consumes the reader.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Each word perfectly describes the romance... I admire your skills. 


Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A beautifully crafted poem that stirs up emotions. Tug of war between temptation and fear.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The comparison of breath with wine and wine with breath i've seen here in this lovely poem. What a great concept to relate with real life you've demonstrated. Like we take a sip of a chill wine and it gives nothing but provides some relaxation of body as same let me take a one sip of the breath to feel the coldness of beauty of life... to feel the taste of the wine in the suite of soul... that's all you've defined i got. I really enjoyed this piece. It's so nicely penned. It's i think very tough to write into few words such a nice piece but you've done a great job admittedly. I appreciate this piece. Brillaint work once again.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

One of those excellent poems where less is more. Wonderful theme. 100/100

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very good job with relating. You add enough details to make one understand and relate (if they had been in a similar situation) but personal to make it about you and you only. This is a bit of your soul and fear.

The short lines force the reader to draw in their breath, even when reading silently (for we think in the way we talk, with breaths), building the excitement of the situation. This style of writing is very good for erotic or sensual poetry (or fearful, but that's a whole other kettle of fish).

I like to try to give a suggestion with each of my reviews, so the only one that I can think of is maybe more active verbs. More... Excited verbs. "quivering in anticipation" instead of "which quiver." Speeds things up, making me draw my breath quicker. Shortening it, speeding up my heart, etc. "I sip lightly upon your breath" does it nicely. Short, sweet, exciting.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Beautiful and sensual poem! I love the imagery, so rich and expressive even in the short lines. It is sometimes frightening when one gives of oneself wholly to someone else because, as this poem shows, it may consume one whole! Beautiful poem! Thank you for writing and sharing it!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Enjoyed this immensely, short and spicy. I particularly liked the line "wine of your soul" something about it is a concoction of: romantic,erotic,religious, not to mention that it sounds poetic. Good little write. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nice to see you posting again...
ahhh yes being attracted to those who are bad for us, it is so tempting even though we know it could tear us apart.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 22, 2013
Last Updated on April 22, 2013

Author

Siddartha Beth Pierce
Siddartha Beth Pierce

Richmond, VA



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Artist, Poet, Educator, African and Contemporary Art Historian more..

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