Captured Sparrow

INT. MILLIE’S HOUSE - PARLOR - DAY

We see a late nineteenth-century parlor. Two young girls are sitting at a table across from each other, MILLIE and ELISE. They are dressed in middle to high-class garb and are politely enjoying tea together.

MILLIE

It is wonderful that we were allowed to spend this time together, don’t you think?

ELISE

I know. And with your parent’s gone for the entire day, we have the whole house all to ourselves!

MILLIE

(giggling)

I know! It’s going to be a great day!

Suddenly, both girls look up as the sound of breaking glass is heard above them.

ELISE

What was that!?

MILLIE

(scolding)

I bet it’s that dumb new maid who keeps breaking things. Come on, Elise, lets go make fun of her!

The girls abandon their tea, excited at the prospect of getting someone else in trouble, and quickly make their way up the stairs. 

HALL

They get up to a long, narrow hall with doors lining the left wall and windows to the right. Millie begins checking doors while Elise looks down the hall. Another sound is heard; flesh against wood.

ELISE

What was that? Do you think your maid hurt herself?

MILLIE

She certainly is dumb enough to… come on!

The girls trot down the hall and find themselves face to face with the door at the end of the corridor. Elise presses her ear against it, listening. After a moment, she pulls her head back and nods.

ELISE

It’s coming from in here.

MILLIE

That can’t be right!

ELISE

Why not?

MILLIE

Because that door’s been locked tight ever since Mother and Father first moved here before I was born. No one has ever been able to enter. Not even the skeleton key will open it.

ELISE

Do you know where it leads?

MILLIE

Well of corse not, stupid! No one has ever been in there! But, If you look outside, it appears to lead to a little sunroom.

ELISE

How nice! Too bad we can’t get in. 

MILLIE

Yeah… Unless somebody somehow got a key or broke in. Let me try!

Millie pushes past Elise to try the doorknob. She turns it and it stops. She turns it harder and it suddenly lurches forward. The girls gasp excitedly. Millie slowly puts pressure on the door to open it. When just a thin line of light is visible, the door is ripped out of her hands and flung wide open. Sunlight streams through the now open door and the girls float inside, dazed by the mystery of it.

SUNRROOM

The sunroom is incredibly bright. It’s outer-walls are made only of small, square windows that curve all the way up to the ceiling where they meet the wall connected to the house. The glass is old and fogged, only allowing sunlight to be seen though them. The room is completely bare except for a table sitting strait across from the open door against the window. On the table is a white old-fashioned bird cage with two birds fluttering about madly inside; one blue, one red. The girls are transfixed by the birds.

ELISE

(slowly)

Millie... I thought you said no one had ever been in here.

MILLIE

They haven’t.

Elise’s expression changes to pity as she watches the creatures. She walks cautiously up to the cage and bends over, looking inside. Millie stands rooted to the spot just inside the door, changing from amazed to slightly frightened.

ELISE

Poor birds… I bet you would like to get out of that cage. Wouldn’t you?

MILLIE

Elise, maybe you should-

Without listening to Millie, Elise unbolts the cage and swings it open. She jumps back as the birds zoom out faster and with more accuracy then any normal bird. The red bird immediately makes a u-turn and slams into the fogged glass behind it’s cage. It falls to the ground, dead. The other flies about madly, thumping against different parts of the glass in a desperate effort to get out. Millie, even more afraid now, walks quickly over to one of the glass squares. She pushes it and it revolves to create a small opening to the outside. Despite the tiny opening, the blue bird squeezes though it and flees the room.

ELISE

How… how did they get in here?

MILLIE

I don’t know.

DISEMBODIED FEMALE VOICE

(singing quietly throughout action)

Come little children, I’ll take thee away, into a land of enchantment...

The girls start violently and spin around, eyes searching for the source of the voice, but don’t find it. Elise glances down at the dead bird and suddenly jumps back in fright. 

ELISE

Look!

Millie looks down at the bird. A thick pool of blood is spreading from it’s body, far too much blood for a single bird to hold.

DISEMBODIED FEMALE VOICE

Come little children, the time’s come to play, here in my garden of shadows.

MILLIE

(frightened)

Let’s get out of here!

DISEMBODIED FEMALE VOICE

Hush now dear children, it must be this way, to weary of life and deceptions...

The girls rush to leave the room. 

HALL

They exit the door and begin to run away, but Elise stops to shut the door. She she starts to pull it closed, but it suddenly stops about half a foot from the frame and refuses to go any further. She struggles to close it. Millie realizes that Elise isn’t behind her and stops halfway down the hall.

MILLIE

Elise! Just leave it! Come on!

ELISE

(struggling)

It won’t close!

Millie runs back and tries to help Elise close the door, but as hard as they try, they can’t get it to close.

GIRLS

(franticly)

Come on! Close! Please! Etc.

DISEMBODIED FEMALE VOICE

(stops after line is done)

Rest now my children, for soon we’ll away into the calm and the quiet.

Suddenly, Elise glimpses something move behind the door. She lets go of it in shock. Millie’s weight isn’t enough to fight the door, so it flies open; Millie stumbling back in to the room. 

ELISE

Millie!

The door suddenly slams shut, throwing Elise back. She falls to the ground and looks up at the door. She rushes up and tries to open it again, but it’s locked.

ELISE

No! Open up!

Elise freezes as a blood-curdling scream is heard from inside the room. It stops as suddenly as it started. Elise regains her senses and begins to pound on the door, screaming and crying. She tries the nob again in vain.

ELISE

MILLIE! MILLIE!

After a moment she gives up, her fists hitting the door weekly. She turns around and puts her back to the door, curling up and continuing to cry. She hears a thump on a nearby window. She looks up to see a blue bird hovering about the window. 

DISEMBODIED FEMALE VOICE

Come little children, I’ll take thee away, into a land of enchantment...

It looks at Elise as she stands slowly, eyes locked on the bird. The blue bird flies to the left, toward the door, hovers for a moment longer, then flutters away.

DISEMBODIED FEMALE VOICE

Come little children, the time’s come to play…

Elsie turns to look at the door, mouth slightly open in a daze. She slowly, carefully reaches out to touch the door with her fingers. 

DISEMBODIED FEMALE VOICE

Here in my garden of shadows.

EXTREME CLOSE UP - DOORKNOB

She grasps it and tried to turn it. It clicks and, smoothly turns.

END

Author's Note

My first screenplay. Strong critiquing on this would be appreciated.

Reviews

[Yue Zhang]

Wow, it's scary. I can see most of the scenes, except for the room. Maybe describe the sunroom more.

[Daniel Atkinson]

This is good, but the dialogue needs work. Especially at the beginning, when the girld are establishing the fact that the parents aren't there so obviously. Try not to say it flat-out. Kind of imply it, if you know what I mean. And a little note on the dialogue tabs: the characters' names need to be in all capitals whenever they speak.

And actually, I've got a question for you. How do you set the margins for individual lines? Because I can't for the life of me figure out how to set my dialogue to the right margin. I just center it.

From one screenwriter to another, this was very good. Just needs some polish and it'll be perfect.