?

Please tell me something

Anything to keep me here

My heart is cold

From the hurting

My ears are bleeding from the lies

My eyes are burning

The sun is shining

Can’t hold back my fear.

Reviews

[L Lopez]

it's a good start. try delving deeper into these emotions. make the reader feel what you're feeling, don't just tell them what you're feeling. Keep writing.

[Brenden Moran]

Avoid the cliche. When others before you have said the "sun shines" trees sway" "heart beats" etc etc, that means you now have to make it better. Say it in a new way. Try "My heart is iced over like hell/From the flaming ice that chills/It bleeds my ears from its....idk...lol. But just explore the new, the unreal, the infinite phrases that there are to write.