A Lullaby

I wrote this because a close friend thought I should try my hand at lullabies. Needless to say those may not be my forte. However, I did enjoy the piece I got from it.

I tried to write you a lullaby
   A nursery rhyme to pass the time,
But every line came out the same
   Darker than a hurricane.

I tried to paint you a picture, it's true
   To portray my beautiful life with you
A flick of the wrist
   Recreating my bliss,
But all the lines turned the wrong way
   The colors mixed, all too dull and gray.

A great sonnet I tried next
   Though it left me nothing but vexed.
So I sat and I thought
   Of the great gifts that could be bought,
But none were good enough for you
   As pure and innocent as the sky is blue.

So the least I could do,
   Protect me and you
From the demons within,
   Our lifestyles of sin.
Close your eyes, dear.
   Take my hand.
I'll lead you to our Promise Land

Reviews

[lildexty]

Overall I really like the poem, but the word choice in the last line of the opening stanza "darker than a hurricane" could be improved a bit. maybe you could choose something other than "hurricane" that helps the reader visualize darkness a little better. Also, maybe you could try and create an underlying theme that connects all the stanzas together