"My Love Letter"

Ah, a rather old one as well. Back when I was so romantic about my few first relationships. Been nearly two, wait perhaps three years now since I've written this. Enjoy ^^

Now I haven't known her long but I love her all the same, this heart is to blame. To ever so quickly drop and it landed in her lap waiting for her to call my name, you could call me over passionate and wouldn't be entirely wrong because you see, I want her so much and no amount of other happiness will savor my burning touch.

Something about this woman set my red organ a' blaze, perhaps it was the similarities between her and I? Maybe the love of poetry? No matter the reason it all ended the same.

Cupid's arrow struck me again by the side, the effects I could no longer hide. Once more to the leg and now I'm frozen in place, one flew towards my chest and now I can't give rest. Another hit me in the face and now I just yearn for her warm embrace.

I almost bled profusely as gut's spilt, holding it by a hand but it was not the right time or so I thought and so I waited in patience in hopes to shout my confession. I thought maybe I'd be moving too fast after all only eight days went by since we've first said "Hello" and "Hi" well it seems I should have taken my hint's and threw them in the deep distance.

As the woman I had planned to earn, I burn for is taken now by another guy, but "Worry Not!" I say.. Eventually she'll no doubt see me but that haphazardly reasoning is not stopping the heavy breathing or the tight grip on my chest I've been feeling.

So many instances where I want to say what I truly think but then stop myself short and realize I'd just be the jerk. To tell her my honesty, I would be playing the role of the big bad man, such a vile guy. No one wants to admit it but damn it, I'll chant it! The villain role suits me more than that shinning white knighting armor. I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing with lions pride but no matter how well I act the part the roars I carelessly slip just doesn't really fit.

She loves me but she doesn't.. I'm a tad confused but yet again I'm unsurprised, but I told her I can wait. For shame! Maybe it's the ego still saying "I'm better." Or may haps I can see into the future; it isn't really clear. "Best not to rush things," she had told me.. oh dearie me, the sheer irony and yet I can't help but protest and see the hypocrisy within that previous statement. For she had made this mistake, after all it was her doing that rushed her into this busted relationship at the slightest amount of gushing he did, disgusting.. oops there goes the truth, haha, my blunt honesty just honestly slipped. 

I am still falling and when I reach the ground I'll probably splatter on the pavement if she isn't there to catch me in time because I've already been scooped up and caught in my own pace and now all I do is break my back turning it over as I crack my shell and put myself back together again, walking away with a slight limp.

I give, gave her my two hundred percent each and every day. I skip out on much needed sleep just so I can talk to her once again a little more carefree, freeing up my hectic scheduling just for a moment of sanctum and peace. A chance at some true tranquility now.. and yet, how? 

I'm afraid? Afeared? I tremble at the idea, the mere notion alone. She'll see me as a friend and even if I had already admitted to never seeing her that light who's to claim she shan't see me glow otherwise? Ah, but oh well. Guess I am just slow, I think too hard and that makes me empty inside, seems I'm a simple man with an overly complex mind.

This is all my fault, this is my flaw, this is why I always continue to fall. I'm causing myself this anguish, this pain and sure I could be a little more sane. Get over it one day but I'm playing dumb, probably a little crazy and It's a bit hazy. I could get a clue and continue to move on but the heart is drawn, glued towards her. 

So I'll remain clueless on purpose and plunge this body into the sweet grasps of my personal hell, but ah hell, oh well.. I can't fool this part of me not so long as It's still beating, not so long as I am still breathing.. So long as she may still want, dare I say even "need" me..

So I'll stay red and give her the roses and I'll stay silently blue and remain vibrant like the beautiful color violet, I'll continue to combust with this flicker of a flame. Burn internally with it spelling out her name. 

The anger shall never be seen, the blood will continue to pour and beat into me a new breath, this message of understanding is a letter of challenge to me. Hopefully another show of my emotion's for her to someday see and then and only then the time for when may have shortened and thus it'll be ready, my true story shall begin and the starting point is the last period made from the ink of this pen. 

Author's Note

Welp, there's some of my younger years. I revised some stuff her and there but it's mostly unchanged. Please tell me you think ^^