Erm..yeah! yeah! Happy Diwali!!

This is more like a journal entry....

"Happy Diwali"

Wishes are ringing everywhere. From the youngest grand-daughter to the oldest grand mother, everyone seems to be overjoyed at this beautiful day where we ahem! 'they' all are decorating the houses with earthen lamps and bursting crackers. It's like my city has taken a dive into a pool of lightning and now that it has come out, small droplets still remain on it's vast structure.

Sounds like a delightful day, right?

Well, not for me.

I was dreaming of finally getting through a very twisted question of physics when my ears pulled me back to earth where my mother was cursing...something or someone. I still don't know.

I tried closing my eyes and forcing myself back to sleep (though it was already 10:15 a.m.), I couldn't drift all the way back to my dream world. With an ugly frown on my face, I marched out of the room and spalshed cold water on my face so hard that I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, shivering for minutes.

I came out and realised that it was time to get some breakfast and do a bit of studying when I noticed my father coming up the stairs with a record-breaking frown on his face. I supressed a sarcastic smile.

When I was through with my breakfast, I went inside the room to get my books and was taken aback with the words that left my mother's lips. There I was, standing halfway in and my mother just wished me 'Happy Diwali'. I looked around like a total moron and then set my eyes on her feeling all confused and lost. And she sent the same expression my way and I felt it was necessary to say...anything!

"Umm....errm... Happy Diwali", I mumble out, somehow.

Then everything was calm till the evening. I called up a friend of mine and we discussed things related to a topic in chemistry and after I hung up on him, I cursed myself for, yet again, successfully making a fool of myself infront of him. I let the thought aside as I switched on my computer and played the game 'Unreal Tournament' for what seemed like half an hour. It was 5 p.m. and I realised that I didn't bathe today. I felt a bit weird and finally went inside the bathroom smiling at my stupid memory.

At 6:05p.m., my dad called me to help him out with the earthen lamps and the whole decorations of the room where we'll do the pooja (i.e, recitation of the prayers and all). He told me to inform my mother (who was staying aloof since a few days) to attend the pooja at 6:30p.m. which I evidently forgot to do and hence, faced the ugly frown of my dad once more.

Somehow, that drove me over the edge and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remove an even uglier frown from my face. I lingered around the house feeling like s**t and doing everything I was supposed to do like a maid. I didn't reply to anything and when the prayers were going on, I was staring at the painting on the opposite wall and often at the clock with read 7:10p.m. I just wanted to get through with it...and fast!

Finally, when the pooja was over, I put up the lamps on the terrace and decided to roam about to catch the wonderful sightings of the night. The whole city was blinking with so much of light, and not to mention, so much of pollution. But still, it all felt...better.

Amongst a whole dark maze of roofs, I recognized a friend of mine lighting crackers from a far off house with her brother. I waved at her and she waved back. After a few minutes, I decided that it's better to smile a bit with them rather than to brood all night. I hurried down the stairs and told my mom where I was going. But before I even closed the door, she told me in that remorseless and cruel voice of hers and I won't go anywhere. I told her that I was just going to wish them and would be back within 5 minutes or so but she didn't budge and started shouting. I slammed the door in her face and yelled at her from the inside (in such a way that she didn't hear what I was saying). It won't be nice to quote exactly 'what' I was saying, so I'll leave that part out.

I lay down on the bed and finally the stress that had been piling up for few days now started banging at my eye lids and they began to water. I tightly clutched my pillow and let out the pain in the form of silent sobs which I hoped no one would hear.

I was still fragile when my cellphone started ringing. I saw the number of my younger cousin who was calling all the way from Delhi and I can't describe how happy I was to hear her voice. Within seconds, it felt like I've never cried in years. After she hung up and I took a deep breath, my phone rang once again. This time, it was from one of my friends who wished me and talked about school and stuff and was really amused to know that I had been studying today when every normal and sane person was celebrating. I silently told him that even though I'm not a nerd, I can atleast sound like one. We talked about this and that and by the time he hung up, I was grinning.

For the next hour or so, I lost myself into the word of my book - 'The Time Traveler's Wife'.

Now, I've had my dinner and am lying in my bed staring at the ceiling and listening to the random rhythm that is floating in the air with all the crackers bursting around me. It's not what I'll call noise, it's just...a mixture of sounds. Somewhere out there, people are laughing and hugging and enjoying this day.

Then I switch my thoughts away and I say to myself that my friends and cousin didn't forget me today. They did call and though they'd never know, they just made my day. I remember telling my cousin how much I missed her today and silently remind myself to hug her tight whenever she comes here. It would be nice if I could tell my friends the same but it'll be hard for me.

Finally, when my eyes are getting heavy, I just lie and concentrate on the steady rhythm of the clock and hope that tomorrow, I'd wake up to a better 'home'...

Author's Note

This is what happened. I twisted a few part but still, it's true 90%.
I'm feeling weird still but I'm satisfied after writing out all of this...
Hope you enjoyed that... ^_^