Paranoia 101

The presence

I am still not sure why you're here,
After all these years of having you around,
My feelings towards you are still full of hostility,
Just as they were at day one.
When you present your disgusting face in my presence,
I try to deflect your attacks,
But they break through my barrier,
Ripping directly through me,
Tossing me to the ground.

 

Innocent Bystanders
I don't know you but you know me,
I can see it in your eyes as I pass by,
Your eyes are windows to your thoughts,
You know everything about me,
You know my darkest secrets, my faults and my short-comings...
I see you laugh off in the distance,
You think I don't realize,
But the truth is I know it's about me,
I know you heard what I just thought,
I know you saw what I just did.
As I walk by, your eyes dart towards me,
As I sit down, your eyes gaze directly at me,
As I'm around, you whisper quietly about me,
And once I leave, you'll be talking aloud about me.
I know your plots even though you think I don't,
You're going to set me up,
You're going to let me fail,
In front of everyone I know,
As well as those I don't.
I see the signs that show me the truth,
And ignore the possibilities of coincidences,
I am to smart for that and wont be fooled,
Since that is what they want to happen.

 

The Feeling

Sometimes it makes me twitch,
On the odd occasion it even made me itch.
My eyes are always watching what needs not be watched,
While my heart trys to blow through my ribcage.
My face flushes,
My head sweats,
My hands shake,
And my mind will race.
A boulder finds its way into my stomach,
And fatigue takes control,
I am not in charge no more,
For I am stuck in this hole.

 

This paranoia has been with me for, oh, so long, and as hard as I fight, it only makes things worse. Its trickery, puts fabricated imagery in front of my face, with intentions of me biting the bait, just to be realed in, and surrender to a world of pain and deceit.

Author's Note

Even though my mental health is pretty much under control there are still always times that it shows its tattered face to me, Paranoia is one of the big ones, and today was one of those days, so here is something for you guys...

Reviews

[{REDACTED}]

I don't beat myself up anymore, I've gotten way to far. Thank you for the review.

[Holiday Sparkle]

Very interesting piece. Although it seems like almost three pieces, I can tell it is not. It seems almost like the step by step process of becoming paranoid about a situation. I hope you don't beat yourself up to much about it. I think a lot of people feel paranoid sometimes, however, just try to tell yourself you are imagining it if you have no real grounds for the belief. Hope that helps.

[{REDACTED}]

If you only knew....

[Kymmie]

Great job Jake.
Im not exactly sure what to say about this, but I really liked it.
Ive been in the position of being paranoid and this does depict a few scenarios.
Knowing that you felt paranoid the other day ago makes me sad, because Im starting to realize that I can't actually fix everything, and most things I really cant help you with. At least, you know im always here for you, despite our little fights that we get into, I love you, and will be there whenever you need me.

Well Done Jake.