Magical feelings

I wrote this about a guy that I truly love

There’s this guy that really makes my life feel magical. It’s not the type of fairytale fantasy your thinking of. It’s the feelings that makes it magical. I can feel the love he has for me. Every time we touch fingertips I get this shock through my whole body. Then it’s like my heart actually glows and people can see it. When me and him are together it’s like there’s no one else in this world. When he looks at me his face glows, his eyes sparkle and he can’t stop smiling. I’m the only person that he looks at like that, and that’s magical. One of my favorite things about him is that we aren’t just about the lovey dovey stuff or fighting all the time, but we joke around like best friends and we play around like little kids. The way he touches me is like the way I’ve never been touched before. He protects me like I’m actually his family. There’s something else that I’ve never had, and it’s that his family loves me and treats me like their own. They always have my back no matter what and I love that. But I love him more than anything in the world. He always puts me first before anything even himself. I thought I could never explain my love for him but I can try now. My love for him is like over the amount of stars in the universe. I would choose him over anyone else in this world. He’s my one in a million and I can’t get over that. I wish I could get it through his head that I’m not ever leaving. I wish he knew that I’d never do anything to hurt him because I love him WAY to much. He’s the first for a lot of things for me. He’s the first person I’ve truly loved and trusted the way I do. He’s also the first that’s showed me that he truly loves me. Only if there was a way to explain our love better I would. Who wouldn’t say our feelings here aren’t magic? It’s crazy how fast we fell and how much we’ve been through already. But we always got back up and fixed it. That’s pretty magical to me. Sometimes I just lay in bed staring at my ceiling just wanting to know if he feels the same. Not very many people have experienced this kind of love at such a young age but I’m really thrilled that I’m one of them.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I think your writing is good & your intentions are true, but I’m not convinced that this is the love of the century. That is to say, you are not convincing me that this is what “love” looks like. To me, this feels like mostly fluff. There are some meaty tidbits, like telling us that he puts you first & his family includes you like you’re one of them. There are some artful expressions, such as fingertip touches bringing on a shock thru the whole body and loving more than the stars in the sky. These are the more specific things you say & write strongly. But two-thirds of this is so general, you are not giving your readers anything to really grab ahold of. We have no idea what he looks like or smells like or what his voice sounds like. Don’t forget to include all the senses. Draw us a word picture so we can get the feeling you want us to understand, thru all the sensory effects. Saying “he has my back” is a shorthand modern idiom that conveys almost nothing. You need to drop these “cool” sayings & really explain what this means, if you want to be a writer. Give me examples. Give me details. Show me what you mean, instead of blathering on & on like a lovestruck hound dog! You are starting in a good position, becuz you have a strong sense of passion for expressing yourself. I can feel the intensity of what you want to say here. Just try not to express yourself in generalities. Show us what you mean when you say he SHOWS you that he loves you. How does he do this? And why does it seem like your message is not going to be understood by him? Why do you have this insecurity about whether he knows that you love him? I think there’s a lot more to this story that you are not telling us. I think this is a great starting point, so keep practicing & you will learn to make your writing sparkle with details we can see & feel & hear & taste & smell! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie