I Just Don't know

I dont know what, why or how i am

I don't know what it is

i don't know why i cant sleep at night

why i feel nothing all of the time

i don't know why i always yearn for company

but when i have it i only wish i were alone

and i'm alone

i don't know why

i don't know why my thoughts are clouded

why they are locked away from even me

i don't know why i cant feel

and when i do feel , i only want to stop

and i'm numb 

i don't know how

how to remind myself that there is a world

how to let others know i'm not ok

i don't know how to get out of my head

and when i do, only ache for the comfort of its walls again

and i'm trapped

trapped, numb and alone