The stakeout

The stakeout

A Poem by SleeplessVolcano

I had to stake out my inbox
waiting for news from you
but nothing came
I started sending myself mail
just to check 
whether the connection is fine
and they came
so I waited
wondering
thinking
speculating
maybe your internet is down?
maybe the power is off?
Maybe, oh maybe
you've send mail
to a box not my own
and I looked again, once last time
at my empty mail box
and saw
an empty me.

© 2018 SleeplessVolcano


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This is good it could be improve and expanded like all work but its something I would have written (but over dramatize) :p ... its good. In your fourth line change mail to email. The e word has a nice slant rhythm with 'news' 'check' 'started-sending' etc.... you might have a natural talent for rhythm and slant rhymes. "off box " etc

*also change once to one it will have rhythm with own

keep writing.

Posted 5 Years Ago


SleeplessVolcano

5 Years Ago

Thanks for the feedback.

Yes, "one" would work better than "once". I think the use.. read more
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
BEen ther, done that and blamed the internet providor. The build up to the last line is perfectly done. I think I may have felt those butterflies turn into an acheing emptiness as the last line was read.
May your inbox overfloweth, when the dolt comes to their senses.

Posted 5 Years Ago


SleeplessVolcano

5 Years Ago

Thanks Lorry! Oh no, my inbox is already too full ;)
So very relatable. When you can't wait to hear from someone and you refresh and check your connection. Etc and etc. And maybe you feel that burst of excitement when you see you have a message and that deflated feeling when it's not the one you were hoping for. I bet so many here have felt this. But at least we don't have to wait for the mailman once a day like the old days.

Posted 5 Years Ago


SleeplessVolcano

5 Years Ago

Thanks for reviewing! Yeah, gone are the mailmen. Should write an ode to them...

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Added on November 23, 2018
Last Updated on November 23, 2018

Author

SleeplessVolcano
SleeplessVolcano

About
"In the end there doesn't have to be anyone who understands you. There just has to be someone who wants to". Robert Brault Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~ Pablo Pica.. more..

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