I see a light shone blinded caressed the sky. Thousands have vanished and fear reigns supreme. Millions wander aimlessly, confusion coating the span of time.
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The Coming King By: Adam M. Snow
I see a light shone blinded caressed the sky. Thousands have vanished and fear reigns supreme. Millions wander aimlessly, confusion coating the span of time. Many lost hope to gain and only the sound of crying remains; these, the dying pains.
The truth shown in plain sight but many are frightened, refusing to believe. The Believers does not fight; the Lost does not grieve. Chaos corrupts the lives of many as greed fills the streets. Betrayal among family grows uncontrollably; shown the worldly feats
The Word left upon fire hung by a wire, in spite the devilish desire: To take that which doesn't belong. The Children's gone and vanished, banished from the minds before the trumpet sounded. Friends among friends, families among families gone in a blink of an eye.
Dread; it fills the hearts of many and some, hatred consume their essence. They live their ignorant lives, haplessly unaware that torment is yet to come. Almost here; havoc wake in the hearts hardened by numb.
The number upon the flesh, accept the fate or die. River of red pours out upon the streets; many are gone like thieves in the night. Many foreseen these Godly feats. Many still blinded by that Godly light. Many are weakened by this deadly plight.
Wars erupt between the Believers and not; Blood sheds more and more with every shot. Every passing day, we pray, and still the violence consumes. Who is there to save us from ourselves? Arose a light, blinded like the sun, The King has return! The Children has won! Bleed no longer; feed your anger no longer. We will be stronger forever longer.
A powerful poem. I like the description and the desire of this poem. I don't believe the end will be easy. Will be long and a lot of pain for the next generation. They will pay for our waste and destruction. I like the ending to the excellent poem.
Coyote
Hell will ner' triumph over Heaven when the final battle comes, faith moves mountiains and breaks the bounds of slavery what weapons does hell have but for fear and lies. Love the poem and the message, keep em' coming
The Believers does not... - singular?
The Children's gone and... - "
The Children has won... - "
Beautiful image. Powerful emotion. Something to work on, though, would be form. You normally have wonderful rhyme, but it looks like you tried to free verse a bit then went back into rhyme again. It could be that I don't see the font changes, but you shouldn't feel like you should always revert to rhyme if you don't want to or have to force it. The words know what they want.
Powerful words I must say to describe the might of the apocalypse. The large font mixed with the tone and mood makes the poem boldly scream in a good way. Hopefully, I won't be around when this happens lol.
I really liked the second stanza, but, "does" should be changed to "do" due to the plural placed nouns, "Believers" and same thing for the second "does".
I did not understand this line "Betrayal among family grows uncontrollably; shown the worldly feats." Perhaps it is the semicolon that throws me off. To use a semicolon you must have two sentences and combine them as if you were using a conjunction. Either way, the wording confuses me. Feel free to enlighten me, however.
I liked the following stanza because of its intensity, its scorn for this world. The lines, "The Word left upon fire/ hung by a wire" were mighty powerful. Although, I find this word, "Children's" to be awkward. Did you mean the "Children are" as in the ones granted eternal life already gone? I did not understand.
I also did not understand this line either, "many are gone like thieves in the night" whom are gone? And whom are the thieves of the night?
I think I favor this line, "who is there to save us from ourselves?" so many people forget that when it comes to destruction and misery, chaos and evil that we ourselves are never a factor. It's always God to blame, and it's very sad.
This line, "The Children has won!" the "has" should be "have"
And this line, "We will be stronger" who is we, the children or the believers? Either way, you should draw a connction between that earlier in the poem so it does not become a confusion. Then again, my words are merely opinions.
A powerful poem. I like the description and the desire of this poem. I don't believe the end will be easy. Will be long and a lot of pain for the next generation. They will pay for our waste and destruction. I like the ending to the excellent poem.
Coyote
"The writer’s mind, can surpass even the most intellectual minds." –Adam M. Snow
I keep my work clean, I write to inspire others. Some people would even call me a philosopher, but w.. more..