Interchangeable Identity

No matter what age No matter what gender Love is Love

A fair, tall, muscular, bearded with chiselled face is considered to be a killer personality, always leaving females gasping for more. Isn’t it? And, icing on the cake is, if he lives alone in Mumbai. Well, I’m talking about Arjan Singh, age 27, belongs to a royal family, studied in Western Sydney University, hmmm, a complete package, in bed or in front of parents. This guy is more than perfect.

Dressed in black shirt and well fitted black trousers, the guy looks anything but dashing. The fragrance of his favourite Bleu de Chanel and checking himself in mirror, and finally, he’s here in his living room to greet his guests. Everyone on his lists have arrived (I personally take care of his parties, what are friends for), the music is playing loud, hukkas are set, alcohol is served by the waitresses along with sumptuous snacks on display. ”Arjan you are the best party planner in the city, you know I cancelled my further appointments to be here” said Anaita the editor of woman magazine. ”Aww thanks love but it’s my friend Samaira who always helps me out.” (air kissingly) Arjan smiled back feeling pleased and winks at Samaira. He is again and again looking at his watch, his eyes are on the door, he is expecting his friend from Delhi. He had asked me personally to send his manager to fetch for him at the airport and the doorbell. Yes, finally Vivaan is here and Arjan is all smiles seeing his friend.



“Hey man!” exclaimed Arjan and hugged his school friend tightly. “Welcome to Mumbai”. Vivaan came inside and just loved the luxurious Penthouse and was astonished to know that this huge get together was actually in his honour. He was enjoying the party but then, he noticed that everyone was in couples…mostly gay and lesbians couples were there, so it was an LGBT party. Why Arjan? He thought to himself (I need some time at least). After few hours only four of them were left (Arjan, Vivaan, Samaira and Jiana).

“Let’s play Truth and Dare”, shouted Samaira. All screams and shouts and finally the bottle was pointing towards him and everyone was again hooting, laughing, screaming out his name, “So Vivaan truth or Dare?” He blurted truth (scared asking for dare after seeing their dare games) “How did you guys meet and fell in love with each other?” Samaira asked him with a smile, clinging to her curvaceous female partner, Jiana (finally I will come to know about Arjan’s personal life to which he always said, “let the right moment come.” I think this is it.).



Vivaan wiped the droplets of sweat from his forehead, adjusting his spectacles he answered, “What love? we, we, we…(fumbling) are errr school friends.” He just can’t look into fiery eyes of Arjan who are trying to find him. Vivaan is surely sulking and then Arjan remarks, “When will you start accepting?”

Vivaan is playing with his own fingers nervously, looking at his feet in deep thoughts, all are quite and uncomfortable, then he decides to finally speak.

I met Arjan in college. I just couldn’t take my eyes off him. I often laugh thinking how me and my then girlfriend Nainika ogled him together. We started talking (me and Arjan) and there was instant understanding and friendship. Attraction was inevitable with looks like him but I don’t know what he found in an average looking guy like me.

My father had around ten departmental stores in Delhi running pretty well in partnership with Nainika’s dad. We were bound to be married soon, a typical big fat Indian wedding plus a lucrative business deal. I was okay with anything because I just loved the smell of money.

So, one day, in the college library, softly his hand had brushed against mine, Arjan’s book fell and I picked it up for him, that wink and that wicked smile made my heart flutter. Many times we went out together in a big gang of friends, smoked together, shared jokes and had fun. One of those days, he was sitting in a movie with me and Nainika, she clutched my arms into hers but those lusty stares from Arjan were raising my hair and giving me goosebumps.

Our proximity grew, he told me that how he was disowned by his own royal family (after he announced that he’s gay) and that only his mom being his support system. His mother was his 3 a.m. friend and supported and advised him in a way that Arjan wore his confidence on his sleeve and had accepted his sexuality proudly. Unlike me, a bisexual, hiding under sheets; I was just not being honest with my ownself. I’m still confused. I like girls but love men more. Or is it, I like guys but love women more. But, yes I was falling head over heels for the handsome Arjan Singh.


Anyways… Nainika was ready in striking red coloured knee length dress with a slit till her thigh wearing fake Christian Louboutin heels and that fake perfume…this girl was anything but a walking talking market of imitation. We both were a date set up by our parents for the farewell party of college. She found me anything but boring maybe, because I couldn’t indulge in senseless talks…gradually she shifted to some other guy who was giving her more attention in that crowd. I sat alone lost in my own knotty world.

Arjan touched my shoulders, ”Come on Vivaan, let’s hit the dance floor.” He was surely sozzled (very drunk) and invincible. We danced together madly, deeply and closely. He pulled me away from the crowd to a more vacant area and we kissed passionately for long. Of course I have kissed or been kissed by many guys and girls but this time I just froze. Arjan calmed down my fast heartbeat, hugged me and said, “Just be authentic and happy Vivaan.”

We started dating each other, after many years of confusion I was secure and blissful. I learnt a lot from Arjan, he had rubbed his confidence on me too. Our close friends accepted us wholeheartedly. But as it is said we can’t see the world with our rose tint glasses. Nainika had filtered my preferences to her parents and his father had a major tiff with my dad. I was summoned in his office soon. My legs were shaky…I had to choose between love and home. I was an emotional wreck then….mocked at my own house for being bisexual.

My mother kept several fast, shudhi havan and my horoscope was checked by several priests. ”He will have children at least. Some evil spirit has caught my child, who will take care of his father’s business”, my mom was inconsolable then. My relationship with Arjan remained same. We met secretly but I couldn’t accept it in front of my family…no ways.

But your family came to know about your sexual orientation. What was the problem or is the problem then? Are you sure you are bisexual? I don’t know Vivaan but for me, a bisexual is a person who lusts for both the sexes. But, here, I don’t see you lusting for him. I see love. Are you ashamed of been called as gay and playing safe by being called as bisexual? asked Samaira.

Let me finish please…

Then love of my life Arjan shifted his base to Mumbai for his future assignments, he’s a big name as a stylist here. We realised that we are inextricable…and belonged together.

F**k this insensitive world. It was time to take tough decisions, I just couldn’t do without him and neither could he. I had to fix my inner self first. I spoke to my father at a length and talked him out to open a new stores in Mumbai, had to be manipulative cause a businessman can only understand the language of money (well it runs in our blood) and I planned to shift as well to be with him. As far as me being gay is concerned. Yes I am gay. I think we all go through this phase in our lives when we are confused about our own sexuality. I definitely did kiss a girl or made out with them many time but with a guy, with Arjan, it is pure love. Only when he left for Mumbai I realised what I am, who I am. My family is still anti-LGBT like most of the people out there. They have said some hateful things.

A few seconds of silence…

Now, I just want to embrace and accept my sexuality and consider it natural. I’m here to start my life from scratch with someone I love and trust…and yes, talking in front of all of you and finally accepting my reality, love and identity, I’m, hmmm, happy.

Of course, there was a round of applause after Vivaan ended his story. We all hugged each other and a song started playing, Father Figure by George Michael. HAHAHA that’s our anthem guys, we all rejoiced.


“BEING GAY IS LIKE BEING LEFT HANDED.

SOME PEOPLE ARE, MOST PEOPLE AREN’T.

AND NOBODY REALLY KNOWS WHY.

IT’S NOT RIGHT OR WRONG.

IT’S JUST THE WAY THINGS ARE.”