Past and present

A Story by Lou

The first part was from 2015, a lot has happened to me since then and I’m willing to share to all of you.

People who aren't depressed won't understand what a depressed person is feeling or going through. You can't say you "understand" them when you don't even go through any of the problems that the people go through each an every day... This is what I go through and how my mind thinks, this is about me.

Sleepless nights, eating Habits change, you become distant from everyone and everything, constant stress, quietness all the time and thoughts of just leaving it all behind. Instead of me losing weight and maintaining a physique I lost it.. Sadly due the my appetite increasing like crazy!!family nor friends could understand, fighting it is the hardest part. You cannot begin to explain what it's like to see your mother sad/crying or loved one. That strong person in your life just breaking down and seeing your best friend or friends sad because they can't help you, it's just hard to deal with. I had so much I wanted to achieve in life but I just have no motivation left at all.. I started to slit my wrist which was the only way I felt stress free and away from the world but now I tend to stay away from that. No one understands the pain I'm going through. And in my mind I think "what's the point in life? I'm not getting anywhere in life." I need a change in my life, a.. New start I should say, I’m in need of finding myself. Therefore why Am i on medication? and let me tell you i just got switched to a new antidepressant why? Because the first one was making me feel sleepy and drowsy all the time not to mention I felt like a zombie, I would be sleeping 24/7 and I'm going to therapy every week and trying to change my mindset and everything. This is not easy let me tell you. I want the old me again, that happy, motivated and teen who doesn't stop till he gets what he wants but mainly to Achieve and be successful:) there's some days where I'm motivated and ready to change, but then the next hours or days I'm down and done with it because i realized I'm not going to do it, I'm not the old me as were I have that drive and passion for anything anymore..
This is what I go through and feel. One day it will get better...
(one day)

Wow.. that piece above was written in 2014 and to be quiet honest I’m glad I did not commit suicide. I’m 18 years old now, and a lot has happened to me and things have changed...