Lamentations 01

Now I know it is futile searching for the expiry date of my grief
it's no news that my pain's duration isn't brief
Forever in my head lies the sad song sang at your grave
Instead of smoking, I chose to write instead

It's your sad child the dark poet going through life on a dark path
Ever since you took a permanent rest on that 'dark' sabbath
I am nobody, nowhere in the jungle of life, LOST
A consequence of searching for you in anyone I come across

I am heading to sleep secretly wishing I wouldn't wake up tomorrow
Unless I am snuggled to you with my head on your pillow
Alas if wishes were horses, I wouldn't have to cry
Cos I will still wake up in a body with a mind that wants to die

I have come to learn that my needs,
thoughts, feelings, and I don't matter
And my life He will not hesitate to constantly scatter
He cares only for the fulfillment of his will
Even if it means I have to go in for the kill

There is so much more I want to say
This is how far my strength can carry me today.
And I am always the constant In the equation
Which when solved always equals rejection

From Cima secretly plotting to expel me from the team
Mrs. E chasing me out so that my soul can not be redeemed
My dad conveyed through words and actions that I am useless to him
And I just might belong to the abominable rainbow team

Shame, the nonremovable makeup on my face
Guilt makes my heart its permanent place
Another attempt to capture with words a bit of life's horrors
The beginning of another week of terror