His Fatal Ashes

This poem is an old one. I was reminded of it by two poems one mentioned building the other tuberculosis. As an old poem, it is quite weak and any suggestions for improvement would be welcomed. Sorry to write so much about illness tonight.

This coat staves off more than just the cold night.

He coughs all the bloodied phlegm

from his lungs and life.

 

He is alone, crying, despairing as a child.

In the brimstone of dawn construction sites

he long laboured to escape the fatal ashes of his poverty.

 

No different from the ragged urchins

a century ago, locked into cleaning the shafts

of Victorian chimneys, till their lungs couldn't cope.

 

He tiptoed the high scaffolding, roofing four hours

before school. Tonight in a room balmy with medicine,

his lungs bleed tuberculosis and it has all become too much.

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Kevin Vorshak]

A truly sad way to end a life of hard work - alone and dying and no one who cares. This might be an early work, but I still found it a well done piece of writing. You have a way of showing the darker side of life.

[Donald Meikle]

all the day to day uphill of struggle to overcome the weight of poverty, and sickness slips in to add another ton. and how it bends the mind. A four year old can see it and adapt. I was one and did, and still am working
since.

[fireblossom]

A call to action. Too many injustices. The adults are as much victims of this terrible system of man as are the children. But a child in pain reminds us of our impotency. What will become of us?

You wrote this with such clarity as to make me into an activist. This may be the positive result of a poem such as this. Well done Sel.

[Collect-Eye]

Emily's right--it's where it needs to be.
it's ironic that you called it weak..which leads me to believe that maybe you are concerned that this is portraying weakness in yourself.
Personally, it breaks my heart when people put down their work or themselves..even a little.
You're a damn good writer and a fine human being..that's all I know.

[Emily B]

"escape the fatal ashes of his poverty"

Sel, I can't see a thing I would change. It has a certain pathos. Not pretty and smarmy. Solid in its quiet tragedy.