He Crossed The Seagulls Path

Please can you pick a preference of collocation?

 

Last June, he crossed the seagull's path.
For years he had been a dreamer chained
to dole queues or to construction sites where anvils
set in discord the symphonies of sunrise birds.
His vowels, the Belfast men said, were now
unlike theirs, the rough undertow of rocks
in the withdrawing waves. So, he said, Belfast
his heart's bombed and wretched capital
was not how he dreamt. Did he imagine, the city,
in peacetime, would be like that eighties Belfast he left,
all shattered hopes and windows? No, returning
he may as well have arrived at a December bar
through the back door, last orders already rung
and all the gossip, spoken. But how, after all,
could they inform him of a decade
in the speed of a conversation born to bullet quick?

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

Ooo man that last line hammered it in like a bullet indeed! Agh, I love how that last part switched sudden and just sounds so fresh unexpected but right right, bullet quick.

You're so dope;) Always a pleasure!

[Emily B]

oh, Sel, it's perfect, just the way you've written it here. I can't imagine anyone could say it any better. . .

[An owl on the moon]

Such a beautiful write, filled with a vivid, visual story and a masterful hope of freedom to fly. Each line holds a story unto itself... So much depth!

[fireblossom]

the latter feels right for this one... too much space seems to turn Thomas Hardy to Pilsner to use an ale metaphor... this one seems like deep rich TH cohesive and strong...drawn from an ale glass with stout legs...leave the tender lace on the pilsner glass to one of your lovely poems .... ;-)

[Gandré]

This is "Believable", it transports the evocative sense of the place...always you write to remind us, multifaceted Ireland within your poem (I like the couplets, too) seen through the eyes of the story teller, I like the passive observer voice; deeply satisfying poem, loved.

[Donald Meikle]

Couplet's an easier read, but the whole in a rushing train of thought slams it home.

[Ed Hart]

Your heart, so attuned to the ways of words, is a wild and wonderful place...

[Poeticpiers]

beaufifullly written in true free verse Asking an unasweable question M lady the couplet form excellent choice for presentation

[Wildfleour]

Another terrific poem, Sel.

You should check out: http://www.pw.org