Please Don't Go

This is a love story about the first time a girl tells her boyfriend that she loves him.

I packed my bag and climbed out my bedroom window. My parents knew where I was going but he always thought it was so cute when I “snuck out” to go see him. He was waiting in front of my house for me, I saw him start to laugh as I walked around the corner. I loved his smile, his perfect smile. He pushed himself off the hood of his blue jeep, took my bag from me, grabbed my waist and kissed me. I felt my face go red and my heart warm he made me so giddy sometimes. He smiled and opened the car door for me, threw my bag in the back and jumped into the driver’s seat. He started the car. I hadn’t said anything yet. I was far too nervous. Seven months into the relationship and he still made me nervous.

I had something to tell him, something he had to know. Even if he didn’t feel the same way I had to tell him. I had everything planned out perfectly. I would tell him at sunset when we got to our spot, the one place that we were always alone, the one place that no one knew about, the place we felt safe.

He tried to make conversation, to be funny, to make me smile. Nothing worked; I was too scared, too nervous. I didn’t want to let it slip, those three magical words. It had to be perfect. Something that he would never forget. I wanted him to know how special he was to me, that he was my world, the only thing that ever kept me going, the only one that I wanted to ever be with. It had to be perfect.

He asked me what was wrong. I said nothing, I lied to him, and he knew it. He asked me again, and I continued to lie. He pulled the car over; he told me we weren’t moving until I told him the truth. He cared about me, he never wanted anything to happen to me, he kept giving me reasons to want to say those three words to him. I told him that I would tell him when we got there. He paused; he didn’t know what to say. He leaned over and kissed me, he held me there; he just wanted everything to be okay, what he didn’t realize was that I was more than happy, that I was just nervous, nervous to tell him that he was my world. He already knew I know he did. But the fear was still there.

He started up the car again. I could tell that he was worried. The jokes had stopped, as did the talking and singing. We drove in silent, I was shaking the whole time, he was about to break into tears. STOP THE CAR. I screamed at him, he pulled over, I took his phone from him, I plugged it into the radio and played our song, Smile, by Avril Lavigne. He looked to me and started laughing, he started up the car again and we drove the rest of the way, singing, dancing, laughing, talking, like it was just any other day, but in the back of my mind I knew that I had to tell him. When we got there we set up our tent and unpacked the jeep. It was getting late, if I was going to do it I had to take him there now. I grabbed his arm and made him follow me.

We took our ten minute walk up to the cliff, the sun was going down. It was getting cold, I was holding his hand, I could feel his body heat coming off his arm, I was walking faster than he was, dragging him, I just wanted to get it off my chest. The sun was slowly setting we got there, he spun me around and kissed me; he took out the Bluetooth speaker and started to play music. We started dancing. He looked me in the eye, he kissed me. I had to say it. I stood in front of him, bit my lip, held his hands in mine.

“I have to tell you something,” I whispered.

“What is it?” he asked me.

I looked him in the eye, I tried to say it, I couldn’t, the words escaped me. I dropped his hands, looked away. I had to tell him, I couldn’t.

“What is it?” he asked me again, grabbing my arms, pulling me into him.

I looked up to him again; I held his hands in mine.

“Charlie, I…” I paused, the words were gone again.

“Baby what is it, tell me, everything will be okay,”

“Charlie, I love you,” I did it, I put my heart on the table, gave it to him in hopes that he wouldn’t crush it.

He said nothing, gave me a look of shock, he dropped my hands, he turned away. He turned his back on me, my heart dropped, didn’t he feel the same? Did he hate me? Had I ruined things? Had I just lost the best thing that had ever happened to me? The questions all raced through my mind in only a few seconds, I panicked. He put his hands over his face, his back still to me, I lost my balance, I took two steps back.  He turned to me, his hands on his head now, his fingers running through his hair, he had the biggest smile on his face, a smile I had never seen. He ran to me, picked me up and spun me around; he put me back down on the ground, grabbed my face and kissed me, hard, harder than he ever had before.

“I love you,” he whispered, his eyes closed and his forehead on mine.

He kissed me again. He held my hands and screamed “I LOVE YOU!”

I had never seen him so happy. I had never felt my heart beat so hard for one person, for that boy, my one and only. I did truly, deeply and unconditionally love him. I love him to this day and I always will.